Married To The Material

Living In A Lifetime Movie...

2011-10-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

What was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing trip to the mountains... a mere getaway from motherly responsibilities and a chance to write a story for a magazine, turned into a little something out of a Lifetime movie.

My husband encouraged me to go away, even had a new set of tires put on the Jeep. He is always looking out for me.

The night before my departure, a friend called to tell me that the HWY 14 was closed due to a landslide. I thought she was kidding, but called the UDOT and learned that the roads re-opened just minutes earlier.

New tires. Duffel bag packed. Bananas, fresh bread, peanut butter, strawberry jelly and two Diet Cokes will be my meals. Laptop, Kindle and some magazines to inspire the writing.

I headed up the mountain and saw the debris on the road, yet it was clear to drive. Snow laden trees mixed with yellow aspens, probably the most beautiful drive I will ever see. I made it to the fork in the road with virgin snow. I was making new tracks with my new tires!

In four wheel drive.

Feeling a tingle of adventure-ness, I used four wheel drive to the cabin. Anyone who knows me, agrees that I have not a iota of adventure in my blood. Too bad, I really needed it right about now.

I got into the cabin and completed the necessary water turn on procedure outside and in. Clicked on the fuses in the wall and pressed the heater panel to On. Hmmm...no Wooosh noise. No heat.

No worries, I will make a fire. That is, if I could find the fire starters. After crumpling a magazine (my husband's snowmobile mag, not mine of course), I call my husband to ask where I would find the fire starters. I told him about the 45 degree weather in the house. He told me he broke the fire starters in smaller pieces and put them outside. They were out there...on the snowy porch. And they weren't pieces...they were crumbs! Cheerios would light a fire better. Not that I could light a fire... with the five non working lighters. Who saves lighters without butane? Apparently, we do.

I was beginning to think I was in a comedy of errors.

Yes, I managed a fire and got warmer. That's when the phone rang. You see my husband called every person he could think of to get someone to the cabin and fix the furnace. Frozen pipes are in our past*....not our future. He got a hold of a realtor/acquaintance who called me and told me to call a friend of hers. He was eighty, and didn't live far. I thanked her and she offered to have me over for spaghetti dinner. I declined. PB&J on fresh bread does not compare. I was in for the night.

Within an hour, (and not mountain time**) Al showed up to fix the furnace. He took the panel off and moved some wires around. Flipped a switch...we had heat! Al charged me $40.00. A small price to pay. He called me later that night to see if the heat was still working.

I sat in front of my laptop that night and couldn't write. Decided to wait 'til morning.

Woke up to the phone ringing. It was Al... again. I was little apprehensive of his calls by now. Kinda like that Lifetime Movie when the woman is all alone in her cabin, and no one can hear her screams. Yes, the creativity is all coming back in my head. Al called and asked me when I was planning on leaving...I told him I wasn't sure. I have seen every Lifetime movie and I know not to trust anyone! Al says,"Well, I was just Aunt Sue's Restaurant and the Sheriff said that the HWY 14 will be closed for two to four months." Yes, a second landslide hit and this one covered the road and broke a hole in it. The road is gone.

I thanked Al for the 411 and raced to my computer to see if UDOT had anything posted. Indeed, Al was correct. Of course, there are other roads that lead to home. The 89 to Zion. Or, Kanab to Hurricane.

So, sitting in my very warm cabin, eating chicken and rice soup and Lifetime movie on the TV....I write this blog. Not exactly the story for the magazine. I did write three pages.

* During a two-week period without electricity, our pipes froze, defrosted and burst. Thank goodness for insurance. And, for my husband who put the cabin back together again.
**Mountain time= "whenever I wake up and decide to mosey over to your cabin." Sometimes its 24 hours other times...its never! Often, it involves many calls and messages from one local to another that you need a repair. Al's arrival...under an hour is unheard of...and that made it a Lifetime movie.

Awaiting Good Housekeeping...

2011-06-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

Metal filing cabinets. These two lovely (circa 1974) beige-hued, filing cabinets are the answer to every woman’s decorating dream. Often, I envision Good Housekeeping to knock on the door and I will float to the front entry, in a Mary Tyler Moore inspired pantsuit…because my cabinets are from the same era. My hair will be coiffed just so with Aqua-Net and a flip so tight it could hold more tension and anxiety than the day my gracious husband decorated with those delicious filing cabinets.

Mind you, I am not ungrateful. Really. I have a place to store papers, old electrical cords and taxes from 1999. I imagine many women are jealous of these “two towers of organization” at my fingertips. Ah, did I mention they adorn the living room and are immediately admired by all who visit at the front door?

Yes, the FRONT DOOR!

Visitors, friends and family have the pleasure of stepping into my Grand Entry and this is their first impression. Even the UPS delivery guy does a double take. He must think we have a penchant for papers and green hanging file folders. Most people comment, and ask us if we “just moved into the neighborhood”. This is when I bow my head in embarrassment and regretfully answer… “No, we have been here for seven years.”

However, I may be ready for something new. Something more delicate, peaceful and something that won’t give me paper cuts.

I allowed the cabinets to take ownership of this space for nearly a year. Before their appearance, the room was bare. The two settings are most unsettling.

My vision for a personal space, a corner to read and relax is merely a dream. As a mother of two, I imagine a little nook…or MOM CAVE. The room has potential, with a glass slider and the view of the backyard, it could be peaceful. A chair or two...a little side table to place a drink, even pool table. I don't really care. As long as its not metal filing cabinets.

Additionally, my husband and I work together and the mere visual of filing cabinets, constantly reminds me of work. I guess this “furniture intrusion” gives new meaning to taking your work home with you. My husband says he cannot move these monstrosities in his home office, as they do not match his cherry wood, desk set and since I have no real plans for the room, the cabinets continue to reside in this space. I will not receive the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

I could offer them on Craig’s List. Potential takers would walk no further than my front door to see them. In fact, they could peek in the window to catch a glimpse. Then again, who needs to inspect metal filing cabinets? I am giving this piece of furniture too much credit.

I would gladly donate them to any 70’s sitcom set, as well.

One thing is for certain, they must go and I must allow myself one room in the house without work related items, kids’ school papers or the dog bed. I am ready for the change and look forward to my future (the one that doesn’t involve filing cabinets) in a living space.

Happy Birthday Dear Mike...Happy Birthday to You!

2011-02-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

Today's Blog is dedicated to a friendship of the ages and to celebrate the birthday of that friend. To great friends and what makes a friendship last so long...(Picture: Mike is on the left, with helmet... Tony on right #18)

Before there was "Dumb and Dumber," before Jackasses and Johnny Knoxville...there were two young lads..living in Grand Junction, Colorado.

Mike and Tony met in the fifth grade, circa 1979. As my husband recalls, Mike was clad in an "Elmer Fudd" jacket and slick cowboy boots on a snowy day. The thick flannel jacket was not well received nor were the boots once Mike hit the snow for the first time.

You see, Mike came from New Orleans, Louisiana. Show and Tell consisted of Mardi Gras beads and Doubloons. The beads were all the hit for the girls in class, but Tony remembers that the boys were not as impressed. But, when Mike came to school with a knife (allowed in schools of the Deep South only) he was an "okay kid" after all. He did get in some trouble for bringing the knife, but Mike brought his "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir" and many colorful stories to the fifth grade class.

Mike, do you remember telling your classmates stories of the Bayou, swamp stories, eating craw fish and po'boys in your homemade lunch? Did you think Tony would trade you a Snack Pack chocolate pudding for that fishy sandwich?

Do you recall your expert marksman days...sharpshooting with a wrist rocket and dry dog food...at your younger brothers? And, when you weren't busy pelting younger siblings with dog food, you and Tony would tie them up in a laundry bag and hang them over the balcony.

All, I have to say is, "Where were your Mothers?"

To tie your own brothers to yourselves and then hit them with a stuffed animal...called the Death Battles.

Ah, you only lived in Grand Junction for three years. but, in those short years, you and Tony bonded. However sick the antics were...you were together and no one can make these stories up.

Remember Cancun and the plans to "windsurf to the nearest island." Your parents rented the windsurfers for the half hour. However, time flies when you are surfing to an island. Eight hours later- tired, sun burnt and hungry...you return, only to get in more trouble. When you got your Dad's new Walkman wet (falling into the pool) and dissembled it to "dry out the parts"...more trouble.

Did you really throw a grasshopper at a window only to break that window? How much did the grasshopper weigh?

Did you really cut your finger whittling a wooden gun, only to cut another finger in the door? Ouch!

Did you jump off a cliff and into a river (Lake City, CO) of freezing, cold water, soooo cold you and Tony had to drift like beached whales to safety, nearly missing a waterfall?

Did you ever drive a car, under aged, no license, in Mexico and drink Pina Coladas?

How 'bout when you and Tony were on a road trip (in the '77 Thunderbird) and you were tired of listening to The Scorpions and tossed the cassette out the window? With the sun visor...and some of the car's roof?

I met you years later, after hearing these stories and thought, Tony must be exaggerating. I was wrong.

1994- Woke up in Lake Powell to your voice, "Ah, Caprice, is Tony awake yet?" All while sitting on his Jet ski, complete with a hole where the nose "once" was. I think you duct taped it. You felt so badly.

And to think you called me "Moonshine" at my wedding.

But, your friendship has stood the test of time. You have known each other longer than your wives. You only lived in the same town for three years, but in those years, you bonded, stayed in touch, were Best Men to each other's weddings and can watch your sons grow up to be just like you. Scary huh?

Fast forward to now...and watching you feed a breakfast consisting of: peanut M&M's and a Sippy cup of Diet Coke to your son, Brody... only to wonder why he is bouncing off the walls for hours. Max and Brody have a lot to live up to.

I knew a Hallmark card could never cover all the memories. I hope you enjoy the Blog. Don't worry, I only have 14 followers and I think two of them are Tony!

To everyone who has a friend like this...cherish them. And, please wish Mike a Happy Birthday!

"Happy Birthday, Mike...to many, more great stories!"

Skin Flaps...Won't Get You Out of Cooking!

2011-02-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

Yes...I am back in the Blogging World. I have had many "bloggable moments" over the past few months, but last night's Debauchery...(a word my husband used just last week and it made me laugh, so I am using it now) caused me to get on the blog. With my nine "working" fingers.

Nine fingers intact. One, is now more appropriately defined as "a skin flap."

Why, you ask?

Well, I decided to cook dinner last night and truth be told that in itself is dangerous. After a quick trip to "Fresh and Easy" (my favorite grocery store) and a decision to have Mexican Night, i.e...make your own tacos, with rice and beans...the cook is injured.

I could blame the people in the house who stuffed the trash in a pyramid-like structure. I could blame myself for trying to push the pyramid into the bag. But, I would probably be blaming myself twice.

So, when my left index finger "found" a metal, bean dip lid...I nearly jumped through the ceiling. Hence, the skin flap. (Side note here, "flap" is one of those gross out words for me. Other gross out words are: slacks, panties, pouch and onomatopoeia. Don't know why, but those words are like nails on a chalk board for me. Put "skin" and "flap" together and its a "double word" ick!) But, I digress.

So here I was... standing over the kitchen garbage can, finger turned white and then...RED! You all know that moment, when you watch the skin go white and think, "its coming, the blood is coming." So, I did the only thing I could think of...use the new, clean dishtowel to stop the bleeding. All the while, sad that the dishtowel has blood on it. I sat down and watched the blood form each time I opened the towel to peek inside. Blood spurted out of my finger to the beat of my heart.

Yuck.

Max called his Dad to give him a play by play of Mom's activity. Both of them, asked the same question, "You didn't bleed in the food did you?"

No sympathy from Maddie. She rips her hands from Bars everyday. She has callouses only a lumberjack could appreciate.

No sympathy from Max. But, he did turn on, "Wizards of Waverly Place" to take my mind off the pain.

No sympathy from husband. He heard that I was pushing the trash down and knows that was a dumb move to begin with. He also knows about the pyramid of trash. And, who creates the pyramid. Yep, the same person who shopped for the food, created the meal and wanted a clean kitchen.

Awww, thank you for the sympathy through this blog. I hear your concern. "No, I am fine, really. I stopped the bleeding and yes, the towel is the wash with bleach." "Oh, no you don't have to come visit, I will prevail." "I don't need anything. But thanks again for your concern. I loved the Get Well card too. So sweet of you. The flowers are brightening my day already. My finger feels much better."

And my pity party is over.

So, put your slacks on.... for tonite's dinner I made...RESERVATIONS!

Halloween is Scary...just keep walkin'!

2010-10-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well, its time to prepare for Halloween, which means kids will likely leave our house crying again this year...and not by being terrified by the "eerie music" or overwhelmed by the house decorations. "Trick or treating" all begins so innocently, but how it ends makes my skin crawl.

You see, each year I dress up our kids in original and usually handmade costumes. Handmade, because my kids are excessively creative and come up with their own characters. At three years old, my daughter wanted to be a "Ballerina Cat", thus a black tail and fuzzy wuzzy belly fur were attached to her pink tutu. My son, requested to be a “Country Mouse" one year. This was easy enough with a glue gun and raffia; he looked like he slept in the hay!

However, it is not the costumes that make this holiday so difficult for me. I enjoy the challenge of putting their creativity to the "Mommy test." I also enjoy carving the pumpkins and buying endless bags of candy for the evening.

I have even been known to dress up, per my kids instructions as a witch, over and over and over again...I wonder if this is a subtle sting of innuendo from the kiddos? So... what is it, that makes me dread Halloween, you ask? Well, its my husband, of course.

No, he isn't one of those men who decorates a haunted house and he doesn't stand behind a tree in the yard, scaring the neighborhood kids. He will not dress up, except when I offer him a bright orange tee shirt that reads, "This is my costume."

Instead, he excitedly bolts to the door for the first trick or treater and thus starts the evening of terror!! I watch as he holds out the candy bowl, as pirates, clowns, Spongebobs and ghosts timidly take 1 sole, tiny candy kiss. My husband happily helps them out with his "man handful" of candy and they are amazed. I guess you are now thinking, so how is that dreadful? He is so generous to the little kids...don't be fooled.

My husband is just trying to get rid of the candy, so he can "play his prank" on the older kids. You know, the ones he believes are "too old" to be dressing up for candy. My husband believes that the little kids show up first, so he is “kind and generous” from about 6-8pm. It is around this time that the bowl is empty (or... has mysteriously disappeared from the foyer).

Traditionally and in most homes, this is the time we should blow out the candle pumpkins and turn off the lights, but not here! No, this is my spouse’s highlight of the holiday and he is armed with “treats” of his own.

You see, my husband uses the holiday for an annual pantry cleaning! Call it spring cleaning in October. Call it harmlessly funny. Call it tricks . Just don't call me, when your kid comes home with a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup. My older neighborhood kids will be offered cans of beans, unopened boxes of croutons, ketchup, even a box of powdered sugar, (which, in this day and age, could be mistaken for drugs in that white, powdery state).

Yikes!

I suppose its funny, unless you're married to the prankster and know that these families are thinking we are insane neighbors.

And, its no wonder, nobody invites us over to their Christmas parties. They're still mad that my husband dropped a can of evaporated milk and nearly broke the paper sack of their 13 year old. Can you imagine, having your candy corns and snickers smashed by a 10 oz. can of beets? Or, a can of yellow waxed beans? My husband thinks he is serving two purposes: 1. to clean out our pantry of unnecessary food and 2. to provide good humor.

Unfortunately, the kids who plan six months in advance for Halloween, costume and all, are not amused.

My husband actually believes that one kid thanked him last year for half a box of ice cream cones. I think he was just being polite. Many kids are just dumbfounded and speechless; they thank my husband, because they don't know what else to say. They are afraid of the deranged man. I watch them as they run down to the curb, in lightening speed, just to get away from him. I desperately try to blow out the candles and shut off the front lights but my husband is having so much fun and I really cannot bear to control my 200 lb. comedian.

So, if you decide to trick or treat on my street, I apologize in advance and would just ask that you keep walking past our house; we do not have anything good in the pantry this year!

14 Reasons for our Wedded Bliss

2010-10-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

As you know, the blog is titled, "Married to the Material". Yet, after 75 stories related to my husband and his (all too true) antics, I relieved him from being the spectacle...leaving his stories for the book, not the blog.

But, not today.

Today, I dedicate this blog to my husband, Tony...with 14 reasons to thank him on our Anniversary.

You knew me in 1986...complete with big "Aussie scrunch-sprayed" hair, Milli Vanilli bike shorts and more make up than the Clinique counter. You probably saw me drinking a California Cooler in the hallway of Manzanita dorm and walked by...that's okay, it wasn't our time. We did hang out in college and even double dated to a Journey concert. We were not each other's date though.

You saw me again 1990 in Dance History 100 class...no make it, I SAW you! But, again, it wasn't our time...although we did see a couple performances and did our homework together. Thank you for typing my term paper.

You heard from our friend, Justin that I was coming back (1992) to town...yep, that was the right time!

You taught me, the girl who failed Freshman P.E.(who dresses out 1st period anyway?) to snow ski, jet ski and water ski...and never gave up on me.

You know my idiosyncrasies and still love me.

You bought me that foot massager in 1999, proving that you heard me say, "I wish I had one of these" in a Walmart that fateful day.

You make some cute kiddos with me.

You allow me to pick out your Halloween costume...I mean, who does that? That is trust...Ricky Bobby, Sonny Bono...shall I go on?

You ate "Burnt to Hell" chicken (cooked 350 ways) and only after our third year of marriage...kindly suggested I turn off the oven/stove and let the meal turn cold rather than charcoal.

You give me a nightly neck rub. I have calculated 365 days x 14 years which comes to 5,110 nights. That's a lot of neck rubs. I am one lucky girl!

You make me laugh...even on days when I don't wanna laugh, when things aren't funny and I might even want to scream/cry/anything but laugh.

You still jump on the trampoline, which proves you really are 12.

You are the Crazy Glue to this family. And, I am glad we all stick!

You're not just my husband, the box I mark on the tax forms, the social security number on a medical form, the guy who fixes the garbage disposal, the one who makes sure the car is always full of gas, air in the tires, and tires rotated. The man who sees that my needs are met, my desires fulfilled and yes, even listens to me rant on and on on... Yes, you are all that. But, the day I married you, I knew I married my best friend. You are my Harry Met Sally...

Thank you for fourteen years of being my best friend! Thank you for knowing me for twenty four years and still (mostly) liking me everyday.

Love,

Caprice

Putting the C in CVS...

2010-09-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

After a two week house (interior) painting job (which I will blog about later), I am happy to report that our family purged and cleaned house. Much of our items are now on Craig's list or in the dump.

In my case, cleaning the closet was an exercise in itself. I was able to part with a few old rags and some that were no longer in style. With the help, (ahh hem) of my thirteen year old daughter, I parted with a lot of outdated fashion.

And, yes, she parted with my old Bebe jacket, a couple of my favorite tee shirts and a purse. I also learned that I didn't look good in most of my wardrobe. According, to a thirteen year old.

I did however, find a couple "pearls" in the back of my closet. A pair of old Levi's which fit great and some old athletic spandex. YES, I kept them. Who wouldn't? I happened to look great in them (1995) and now that they are prominently placed in the front of my closet, I can grab them in the early morning and get the kids to school...quite fashionably.

Honestly, I put them on and imagine walking down the hall to the workout room, and getting 30min. on the treadmill. An early morning workout...

Somehow, a sandwich needs making, a hair style is requested, homework needs completion and in short order...its time to head out the door for school.

In my spandex. Looking very 90's. Much to the family's dismay. I guess they fail to appreciate a SOLID GOLD Dancer when they see one.

Max kindly offered that I needn't walk into the school office with him today. He has to turn in his Student Council election form. Guess he didn't want so much attention paid to him. Then, he said, "Mom, your pants are so cheap, you lost the C in CVS." *

*Side note: CVS is a drugstore located a quarter mile from our house. He actually had the nerve to suggest my pants came from a drugstore.

I took a peek at my booty, and found the letters "VS" emblazoned for all to see. Dare I tell him that the "VS" stands for "Victoria's Secret?"

I think not. Let him think I shop at CVS a little longer.

As for the pants, they are staying. I should wear them to work. Then, I'd get my workout!

FOR SALE- Band of Frogs

2010-07-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

And, today's item for sale is: Lovely band of frogs (and a turtle) playing banjos and guitars on a wood post. Its not only decorative, its functional too. Yep, if you look closely, you'll see its a lamp. Now, wouldn't you enjoy reading to this "little critter band?" This band will light up your life! If your house needs this lamp, or if you have "soft spot" for banjo playin' frogs....give Peggy a call. She will sell it to you.

**Keep in mind, all pictures were given to me by dear 'ol Mother in Law and her Beau. You know, we call him "T" to keep his anonymity.

PS- I still haven't seen the end tables purchased on their first date.

Mother In Law Is Ready To Part With Gnomes...

2010-07-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

I am seriously considering selling my mother in law and her Beau's "collections" on Craig's List. Maybe... they will get enough money for another cruise.

The post would go something like this:

FOR SALE: 400+ Garden Gnomes. Low maintenance, may cause a nasty letter from Home Owner's Association or may be useful in just irritating the neighbors. Superior security device. After they see these scary, little midgets, they won't want what's inside. Call Peggy.

FOR SALE: Wind chimes all sizes and styles. You name it ....Peg's got it. Give her a ring.

**Please come back for more items. This is the tip of iceberg...rather, the first level of the house. Once they climb the stairs, a new batch of goodies will be available. Do not delay...call Peggy today!

PS- The pictures represented on this blog were sent directly from "you-know-who"...the MIL and her beau. More to follow...

A Little Personal Training

2010-06-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

So, I decided it was time to get off the couch and workout. What better place than in the mountains of Utah to get my body in shape. The cool air and steep climbs to walk. I also decided I need the extra help. A Personal Trainer. Yep, Tony thought this would be a good move and he agreed to the Personal Trainer.

I was lucky enough to find one in town. She is pretty buff and has those rock hard abs and great defined arms I have been wanting. I am hoping to get her body soon. She works out a lot though. I am just looking for "some company", someone to get me through the uphill walks and hold my feet down during crunches.

Oh, and she comes pretty cheap, $10.00 a week.

She told me I can tag along on any of her workouts. Its too good to be true!

Fast forward to my first meeting with her. She comes equipped with leg weights and dumbbells, asking if "I would use the ankle weights during the walk." To which I said, "Are you kidding?" I mean the walk at high attitude is enough pain, why would I risk my life with weights tied to my ankles. Plus, my ankles look good! She let me "off the hook" from the ankle weights.

We walked briskly for nearly 30 minutes when my trainer looked back at me and said, "Are you okay, do you need a break?" I guess my panting scared her a little. She was able to speak without being all out of breath and here I was gasping for air...imagine if I had those damn ankle weights now!

She was kind enough to let me rest...for a nanosecond.

Then, off to the uphill part, in which she found the deepest incline on the road and made us take that route. Ughh....I am starting to reconsider this Personal Trainer thing. But, I trailed behind her and finished the walk.

She told me she was going to start some cardio tomorrow and showed me her notebook filled with exercises. And, I saw a jump rope. Are you kidding me? Bet I'll have to wear the ankle weights too.

I would fire this Personal Trainer but I don't have the heart. She's so sweet and means well. I asked Tony to fire her for me. He said he won't get involved.

'Cause...you can't fire your twelve year old daughter!

(Thank you, Maddie!)

Bucket Lists...And My Mother In Law

2010-06-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

My mother in law has a "Bucket List." She shared hers with her Beau, "T" and not only did he listen to her list...he made one come true. Isn't that sweet? Its nice to have someone make your dreams come true.

Peg told "T" that she wanted to take an Alaskan Cruise. So, he did what not many men do...he followed up and made it happen. He took her on that cruise. She crossed it off. One down....now I am hearing it is his turn. Peg will make something on his Bucket List come true. I can't share it now, but I will after he crosses it off. Maybe I'll get a picture too.

I am lucky enough to also have the kind of man who listens to the Bucket List. My husband taught me how to snow ski, water ski, jet ski,... yeah we like water sports. He also taught me how to camp, swing on a rope into Lake Powell and snowmobile. And right now, I am sitting in the cabin that was once on my "Bucket List."

If you have a Bucket List, share it with someone. You never know what might happen!

Tales of My Mother In Law...

2010-06-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

Do you have a mother in law to talk about? A mother in law who doesn't make you cry, cuss or cringe...instead, she becomes part of your blog, sharing such funny stories, you can't avoid the material any longer. This post is dedicated to my dear 'ol mother in law.

Love can be found anywhere. But, my mother in law, Peg... found love on the Internet. After a slew of men, (who's names always started with the letter "B", we swear she was dating alphabetically)...she found a keeper. To keep his identity safe, we will call him, "T".

"T" asked Peg out on a date, to the furniture store. Yes, "senior dating" is not all that movie and popcorn crap, apparently, its doing errands together, like shopping for end tables. Did I mention Peg has a panache for decorating? Her decor consists of: floral print couches, crocheted afghans and a pinch of Forrest green. Her kitchen theme is Pigs. Pig cookie jars, ceramic pigs and laughing pigs, adorned in bandannas- rolling on their backs. So, who better to ask for "professional end table purchasing" power. But, I digress...

Peg and T dated and shopped. They bought new carpet, new paint, new ceiling fans and lighting. They picked out new bedroom furniture and the linens to match. Right down to the bath mat! Peg had a new hobby...reinventing her new beau. And gals, its never too late to find a man or change him. If you are waiting for Mr. Right...you'll be in for a long ass wait or simply lace up your white, mall walkin' shoes and get to changin'.

Peg has systematically redecorated each room of this man's house. She cleaned his kitchen cabinets, only to find six rolling pins, five containers of Garlic salt and more than a dozen salt and pepper shakers. I guess they needed an Intervention from Hoarders, too.

I had to laugh, because Peg herself, owns a potato ricer. Ever heard of one of those? Its old enough looking to have come directly from "The Potato Famine of 1845." I didn't know what the heck it was when I opened her kitchen drawer. Potato and rice? Two starches... I didn't get it. Recently, I saw a potato ricer in Target. So, people are still using 'em.

Peg also cleaned out his sun room and yard. As with all older folks, Gnomes and wind chimes were involved. Apparently, Peg has her limits.

The gnomes and chimes hit the garbage can.

Peg and "T" are having a "root toot of a time" dating/shopping. He is getting a complimentary interior designer. What luck! She is getting a boyfriend with good taste...hers. They have Before and After pictures, as well. If only I could get my hands on those.

I dare ask if the toothbrush holder contains one or two toothbrushes, though. Does my mother in law have her own drawer in the new dresser? Hmmm.... I hope she does.

But, the funny stories keep coming. Each time I talk to Peg, she tells me about the new plates, or the new coffee maker... because the other four didn't "look nice" on the kitchen counter.

Oh, did I mention their Bucket Lists? I'll save that for next time...!

Complaints Unwelcome...Comments Readily Accepted!

2010-06-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

That's right...I have made the decision to not complain for 24 hours. A full day of "positive thoughts" only. Given that huge task ahead of me, I thought I would use the quote I use on my twelve year old daughter..."Are you complaining...or just commenting?"

Here are the comments pressing on my mind:
1. Dear Neighbor: If I can hear your dog bark in your backyard, can you hear him as well?
2. Trampolines make the finest reason to call another mother and tell them to check on their kid's bleeding lip.
3. Life is short...and will get shorter if you don't clean your room!
4. A diet will only cause me to gain three lbs...better not start one today.
5. "Parents of the Year" award goes to: ...the parents of the 16 year old sailing girl....lost at sea. Thankfully, she was found, or I wouldn't even mention this one.
6. Lovin' the trees planted by the pool...not lovin' the leaves in the pool.
7. Weekends call for windy weather, an unexplainable phenomenon in Nevada.
8. A dirty dish is always found after the dishwasher is turned on.
9. Brazilian waxing is not for wimps... merely expensive, self-induced pain.
10. Complaining will get you nowhere...but comments are most appreciated.

If you have any complaints, I mean "comments", post 'em to me. I would love to hear your "comments"!

Why My Car Insurance Won't Go Up...

2010-06-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about all the car accidents I have been involved in. I counted three... no make it four within a five mile radius of the house. The first three accidents and really, is it an accident if no one else is involved? I didn't think so. And, if they all occur all within the driveway/garage area, is that an accident too? Yep, I didn't get very far.

#1. 1997 Acura TL- Pregnant with Maddie. I share that because I am sure she must have kicked in my belly as I was pulling out of the garage and right into the side of my new house....with my new car. The house was about three months old and the car...even newer. Oooops! I took a little stucco off the garage exterior wall...with the front corner panel. Ran in house and called husband at work...no, I didn't have a cell phone in 1997. Told him I had been in an accident and he responded, "Where are you, stay where you are...I am coming."

I told him I was in the kitchen.

Tony: "I thought you had a car accident?"
Me: "I did, but just in the garage and I wrecked the house and the car (crying and sniffling) and its a mess."
Tony: I will be home from work later, go do whatever shopping you had to do and we'll talk about it later...click."

We ended up paying for that one "out of pocket" because no sense raising the insurance on new car/house.

#2: 2000 Expedition, backing out of garage. Did you know the garage door opener takes more than five seconds to get all the way up? I really thought I was clear to drive but the garage door was a little slower than usual and it hit my back window. Just a couple cosmetic scratches. The garage door hooked onto my back window wiper though. The most damage was to that cheap, metal garage door. Tony hammered that one out with a rubber mallet when he got home. Again, no insurance call was made. Although, I did call Tony to tell him.

This time he said he'd be home at five.

#3: 2000 Expedition: Backing out, cleared the garage door before driving out to the driveway. I was heading out to a doctor appointment with two kids in car seats. I backed out and almost made it when out of nowhere...a car is parked behind our driveway/across the street. It must have been camouflage color, because I sure didn't see it back there..but I did feel and hear it. So, did the roofer building the house next door. That guy nearly fell off the roof yelling something in Spanish. Thankfully, those three years of college Spanish were gonna pay off. I called you-know-who again and told him I didn't scratch the garage wall or door this time. No, this time I got a car. And, I needed him to come home and help me out.

In the driveway.

Tony offered to pay for damage and all was good. Insurance claim averted.

#4: 2000 Expedition...man this car had some bad luck! Driving Maddie to gymnastics and a wayward tire iron (about the length of a golf club) came flying out of a pick up truck and bounced under my car. Couldn't swerve away from it. Had to drive over it. And, my left front tire found it...so did the front wheel well/fender. Caught my tire...puncturing both the tire and the front fender as I veered across traffic to parking lot nearby.

Yep...I called Tony at work to tell him of my accident. I told him no one was hurt and even though It was "a two person" accident...well, the other person was gone and never looked back for his tire iron. Tony showed up with tools and fixed my very flat tire. We even kept the tire iron for memory. No need to call insurance.

So there you have it. I have a great driving record and no accidents. I think I have the "good driver" discount!

Jeepers Creepers!

2010-06-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

My Jeep is getting me down lately. I never thought a vehicle would frustrate me or that I would blog about it. Its "four wheels that get me from here to there" and back again. I wanted this Jeep so badly, my husband found one in Idaho, flew there, bought it and drove it back for me. (He spoils me so much!)

But lately...my Jeep doesn't like me. I may have the modern day "Christine" (reference to 80's Stephen King).

It all began when the car decided to not start one morning in the garage. Thankfully, I had Tony's set of keys and took the kids to school in his Monster truck...a 2004 Ford 350, lifted and with big tires. So ginormous, you need two parking spots. Don't even think about a drive-thru or covered parking.

But, I digress.

My Jeep didn't start for the three days Tony was out of town. I tried it a few times, thinking it might start again...but it wouldn't. I even called my friend's husband (he has the same Jeep and experience with Jeeps), he said it "sounded like the battery and not the alternator." He even offered to come by and check it. I told him I could drive Gravedigger a couple more days.

Fast forward to Tony's arrival. He jumped in the driver seat, and turned the Jeep over with one start. I was so peeved. He just laughed and walked back in the house. Grrrrr!

One week later, I headed to Walmart and found myself (again) stranded in a parking lot with dead Jeep. I looked to my right, as a Mercedes SUV emblazoned with "Roadside Assistance" written on it, parked.

Ah, there is a God.

I asked the two guys if they could jump my car, as I KNEW it was a battery. They obliged. In the meantime, I called husband to tell him of my Lucy moment. He told me emphatically, "it's not the battery Caprice, just jiggle the wheel and make sure the car is in park...wiggle that too." So, I did the "wiggle jiggle jig" as the guys thought they were charging my battery. And guess what?

It started.

It has done this a few more times and I do the Jig to start it. You'd think this was some 'ol Jalopy...no, its a 2008 Rubicon. Built on a Friday afternoon...just before Happy Hour.

Recently, the Ruby began making a squeaking noise. Tony thinks I dropped something down the dash board. I don't think I did. Although a year ago, I did lose my Lake Mead Annual Pass in the dash, minutes after the $20.00 purchase. I placed it on the dash for Tony to affix on the corner of the window...only to have it disappear into the Grand Canyon-sized hole, known as the dash board. I guess he knows me too well.

Anyhow, I have the fix for the squeak...just turn up the radio volume and AHA!...noise is gone. See, I can fix things!

A letter to My Daughter...

2010-06-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

Dearest Maddie:

Please clean your room. I would like to see the carpet once more, but I am afraid your belongings are covering it. All of it. Actually, I don't even remember what color the carpet is. I will give you three trash bags to start the process. Use one for "give away", one for "trash" AND THE LAST FOR" stuff you think is not trash but is so trash, even a UNICEF kid would pass it up".

To help you, here are a few tips to knowing what trash looks like. Old balloons that lost their air and now lay 'wrinkled like old skin"...trash. The stick to a lollipop...trash. Papers from the 3rd grade (remember you are now in 7th) are also trash.

Candy wrappers, water bottles, broken hair clips and old bows from gifts. Dried up nail polish, used tissues and dolls without heads, yes these can leave your room, as well. Clothes that read "6x" (because now you're a 12-14), awards for school attendance (because Mom drove you to school everyday...in fact, the award is MORE mine) and hair scrunchies that have lost their elastic. Mom, can't sew...so throw them away.

I let the time pass.I picked my battle. I told you to study for Finals and to let the room wait. Lord knows if this junk had legs , it would have picked itself off the floor and headed for the trash can. Speaking of trash can, do you need a bigger one? Your father walked by your room, glanced in and reported that you "ought to have a larger trash can". Home Depot has a great one...would you like it in Grey or Moss Green? It comes with wheels so you can drag it to the curb every Monday and Thursday.

I have a nice shovel, it makes the job easier. Dad has rubber gloves for picking up the items that make you go "ick". The phone number for Hoarders is in my speed dial, just in case. So, is "Clean House"...would you listen to Niecy Nash tell you its "a hot mess" in that room?

I love you Dee, you are my only daughter who makes me so proud. You keep your grades up, never accepting less than than an A or B....as you asserted yourself and asked your math teacher if he "would round your 89.7 up to an A"...I had to laugh. When you went to State for Gymnastics and brought home 2nd place for Floor...and said, "It was fun and I don't care about the medals", you made me speechless. The trophies and medals will stay. Do not throw them away. Do not throw away your American Girl Doll, the one I picked out to resemble you. I know your brother says "its creepy-looking" but its all I have to remember the younger you.

Ahhh, the garbage truck will be here in 72 hours, do your best to clean the mess. If you need my help, I can rake through your floor and we can be done in an hour. If you need to touch every last piece of junk, reliving a memory...I understand. I too, was your age and know how hard it is to throw stuff away. But, I would like to vacuum and need to see the floor again.

Love,
Mom xoxo

On Shopping Carts...

2010-06-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

On Grocery Shopping...(written in 2000)

This story is not for the weak. I must warn you now that what I am going to write is even more than my own stomach can normally handle. It is with caution that you read this story...

It all began one morning, as I prepared to head out for the grocery store. My husband, who was working out of the house, awaiting his new office building to be completed, had suggested I keep our toddler, Madison home.

She was still sleeping and would wake up to a morning of Elmo and Cheerios. And, she was not built for grocery shopping, not up for the long journey down each aisle, often whimpering at the temperature in the frozen foods. Shopping with one kid was a breeze.

Max was a quiet, easygoing and happy baby. At eight months, he would lie in his carrier and just smile with those “big blue eyes”. Easy with a capital E! Or, as his sister would say,” easy cheesy lemon squeezy" I was never weary of taking him places because of his laid-back personality. So, off I went, just: Max, my oversized, nylon diaper tote from the Gap and a grocery list. I was ready to wage wars with other carts, pick produce like a pro and stand in the long deli line for a pound of sliced smoked turkey and provolone.

I was strolling though the aisles, filling my cart with foods and necessities. I had already picked up a box of baby wipes and was nearing the end of my shopping. Almost time to check out...until I bent over into the cart to lay down the dozen eggs and got a whiff of something foul.

Notice, I didn't say fowl, like chicken, because I didn't have poultry in my cart. Instead, I had something much, much worse. And, it was leaking from my son's diaper and straight into my Gap (diaper) bag. Luckily, my own purse was placed strategically under this "misfortune of diarrhea" and dripping, stinking, yellow mess! It was the consistency of Grey Poupon (country dijon) mustard or any Dijon mustard, but not the French's mustard variety.

Max showed no signs of discomfort and continued smiling, despite smelling "like a landfill at high noon in Arizona". He must have "burnt out" his own olfactory senses, but mine were unfortunately in overdrive. I assumed the rest of the store was becoming aware of this rancidity of my sweet son. I prayed the fire alarm would not go off.

I quickly maneuvered the groceries away from the "trail of drips" and grabbed the new box of wipes to use on the cart, my son's legs and of course, my bag! I was so embarrassed, in a frozen state of confusion. Do I leave the cart and run for my car? Do I call the biohazard rescue team? 911? What should I do now? Well, as you all know, once you've spent an hour in a grocery store, you must finish the job.

I headed for the checkout lane, apologized for opening the box of wipes, before paying. I knew the pungent smell was following me like a bad habit. I hesitated on the way to checkout, to pick up a can of "Glade Springtime Flowers". Too bad, I only hesitated! I noticed about a half dozen women running the other way to the longer checkout lanes, they were obviously overcome by the odor.

I ignored the stares and coughs of people around me, including the elderly woman who began a gagging reflex behind me. I looked straight at her as if to say, "Hey, did you pass gas or what"? I began to pass blame like a hot potato. I quickly glanced at the checker (also overcome by the stench), giving her the eye roll and said, "Wow, someone really cut the cheese" all the while covering up my son's yellow legs. She agreed, as she pulled on a gas mask from under the counter.

I was eager to pay and leave before the "wet mop' was called to clean up aisle nine. I hoped Albertson's would burn the cart, in the parking lot. I considered torching the cart myself, but did not want to become an arsonist, as well. So, I wiped it down with the rest of the wipes and headed home.

*If you happen to have been at the supermarket on a hot, July morning, circa 1999...I hope you did not use this cart. I am sure it was deemed hazardous material and sent away by some men in white jumpsuits.

>>>This story was a favorite of mine, I will be posting some of my older stories to remind myself how quickly the kiddos grow. Max is now riding a YZ 85, not a shopping cart this summer!

A Son's Wish List...read by his Mother!

2010-02-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

I was making my son's bed today and came across the usual items in his sheets...Nintendo DS, dirty socks and a notebook covered in stickers. As a Mother, I had to peek inside. Who knows what he might be writing about and if its good, I may use the material...

It was VERY good...and I am a little desperate for material, so here goes:

Page 1: A weekly chart of school events. Monday- Art, Tuesday- Music and guitar lessons, okay...you got the picture, turn the page.

Page 2- Written Contract with Dad: "Dad said if I get a B or A in Math, I get a motorcycle and lessons. " Four places to sign the contract, I guess he expects even his sister to sign off on the deal!

Page 3- A list of phone numbers of family and friends...again boring information, but he did write down our office number which is good for him to know!

Page 4- (Feeling a little guilty reading this notebook, but not guilty enough to stop). This page is titled "Money"and goes as such: 50 dollars Target gift card, 50 regular dollars, and more change (guess he doesn't count that stuff as money...I remember counting change the other day for a taco at Taco Bell). Anyhow, Chinese money $5, $ 2, $1, $1 and Dollar shills, Total: $ 209.75...Apparently, we still need to work on adding money, hence the page 2 and math grade!

Page 5- This one made me laugh. Its a "top ten wish list of things to buy" with the loot he counted on page 4.

1. Lego Atlantis

2. Tech Decks

3. FOX motorcycle stickers

4. Nintendo games- Halo or Modern Warfare #2. (No, he doesn't have #1, or any war games...this is a wish list, keep wishin' kid.)

5. PS3

6. Candy, Reeses, M & M's, Kit Kats, Lollipops.(Damn,that's my wish list too!)

7. Computer

8. TV

9. New Shoes

10. AXE Men Body Wash.

Yep, my ten year old is wishin' for some Axe Body Wash. I understood the desire for games, electronics, and even the candy, which I might add, I am now craving a frozen Reeses peanut butter cup and maybe some milk to wash it down. But, the body wash threw me off. Perhaps, the commercial makes him want it so?

He showers twice a day, with Gold Dial and a handful of Hotel soaps he steals from my stash; which I keep in my bathroom drawer. Max even has TWO bottles of shampoo. Some days he smells: "Green Apple" and other days its "Ocean Breeze." I guess, he's looking for a new moxie.

Axe Men's Body Wash.

I am tempted to pick some up for him. Right after I get the mega bag of Reese's Peanut Butter cups and a gallon of milk.

Oh, I am so glad my kids don't read my blog. Gotta put the notebook back under the sheets. But,... not before I take a picture!

Bumper Stickers...

2010-01-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

I saw a bumper sticker on the car in front of me today...it kinda got me to thinking, "Why do people put bumper stickers on their car?" I mean, at what point does someone say, "Hey, I wanna be committed to this thought or that person"...because they are nearly permanent. (Like a tattoo..and no, that tattoo was henna, not the real thing. I get a kick that many of you thought I had a real one. I was even more shocked to hear how many of you have the "real deal"!)

So back to this bumper sticker....a small, black sticker that read, "Bjork".

First of all, who listens to Bjork? Wasn't she the singer (using that word loosely here) who wore an abstract dress resembling a swan or something to the music awards...a few years back...I think that's her. Well, apparently, she still has a following.

I looked at the other cars on the road and both the car and mini van to the left and right had American flag stickers. Its nice to see some patrioticism in today's divided country...the last time I saw an American flag was in the days after 9/11. I remember racing out to Wal Mart for a flag and some stickers of my own. I wanted to show how much I too, loved our country and what we stood for and the freedom it represents. I recall sticking a flag on our house and one inside the window of my 2000 Expedition. Committed to the flag, and the bumper.

My kids always come home with those "My child is an Honor Student at Blah, Blah, Elemenatry School". I have so many of those from their years on Honor roll, I could wallpaper the guest bathroom. Sadly, I do not stick these on my car, like the "other" moms. I guess that will make me out as "the bad mom", but I cherish the clean line of my bumper. And, I sorta laugh at the moms who put all that crap on their cars, the stick people/family, the soccer ball stickers, Ti Kwon Do stickers, etc...

I like reading the "Redneck" stickers and the "My other car is a broom"...they really let you know who's behind the wheel, don't they?

At least, with the Bjork fan, I had an idea of his poor taste in music! But, at what point did this guy say, "I am a Bjork fan and I want the world to know it." There has to be point that makes a person commit to the adhesive on a bumper. (My husband won't even put one on his 1993 Jeep, merely "a four wheel rock climbing/crawling vehicle.") But, he does let the kids put them on his tool cabinet. And, that's commitment!

If you have a bumper sticker on your car, let me know...

No More Resolutions...

2010-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

2010...a new decade to start fresh. Or not. I mean, do we really need a new year to start a diet plan, stop bad habits and start new goals? I won't be in the swirl of this...instead, I will have no resolutions! That's right. Not a darn thing to improve, fix or start fresh. So this year, these are the things I will leave alone:

Issues surrounding weight. Instead, I will eat smaller portions, on much smaller plates and remain left with that little bit of hungry leftover/feeling.

Self Improvement: ya know, be on time, don't swear in front of the kids... that kind of stuff. I am gonna let this one rest too. No need to start being on time...everyone knows I run later and later. My husband even said to me last night, "Honey, the older you get, the longer it takes for you to get ready." I take that as a compliment for how I want to look good for him. In fact, the later I run... I may be late to my own funeral! Now swearing in front of the kids is merely an education they best get by their own mother. I think if they're gonna hear some swearin'... it better be from someone they know!

Exercise and be healthy...hmmm, sounds like a lot of work to me. I will take vitamins and again- eat off the toddler-sized plates, but if you think I will get on a treadmill or the elliptical machine...HAHAHA! Actually, I do get on that equipment, yes...to wipe the dust off periodically when company comes. I don't want anyone to think I don't use our workout room.

Save money. Well, if we had any extra, I would be saving. I have saved and made changes in 2009 and truth be told, I am now a penny pinching, coupon clippin', 2 for 1 kinda gal. I have made my husband both proud and able to eat a leftover. I would say that was an accomplishment, indeed!

Spend more time with the family. Okay, I work with my husband, so any time I have outside of home or work...is merely bathroom time, which I wish to keep to myself. I think my husband would agree that this time is really not quality time for him, as well. Of course, if he forgets to replace a roll of t.p., I will suggest he visit me during this time as well. Just drop off a new roll and we'll chat later. Thanks.

However, I do spend lots of time with the kids. From wake up calls and lunch making to droppin' them off to the school and then pick up,chats in the car, homework to do, sports chauffeuring, dinner, and bed. Whew...do it all over again!

Well...there you have it. No need for resolutions for me. If you have a resolution or if you had an epiphany to resolve nothing...let me know!

Happy 2010!

Ahhh...The Cookie Exchange!

2009-12-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

The holidays are full of traditions, but the friendly "cookie exchange" is a tradition I can ESPECIALLY do without. For obvious reasons, the cookie exchange parties should be banned and forgotten all together. Why you ask?

It has nothing to do with the eighteen pounds you gain at the "exchange" and more to do with the rules and regulations surrounding the "icky biscuit trade."

Rule #1 involves the mass quantity of hot, homemade cookies needed to enter the exchange. As if I have enough time on my hands to embark on an all day bake off, making SIX dozen or so cookies for a half dozen acquaintances. Not to mention, the "sample tray" of another dozen.

Rule #2 is that the cookies must be homemade. Did I mention this in Rule #1? So, scratching the letters O-R-E-O won't be accepted at the "mistletoe-adorned and silver foiled, wrapping paper covered" front door! (Hey why do people THINK this looks good? I admit I have done this "cheapo door decorating" trick, but... boy its tacky!- Just a side note, sorry, back to the cookie crap!)

Rule#3 relates to the types of cookies no one wants. These may include: any cookie that involves a thumbprint, fruit centers or molasses. Fruitcakes will be turned away too.

Rule #4 says the baker may not arrive with ONE giant cookie, like the ones found at the food court in the mall. This is a sure fire way to NEVER be welcomed back to these Holiday Aproned Betty Crockers...and yes, its a good thing!

Rule #5 asks you to divulge your recipe to the eager beavers who want to make your long lost Auntie's macaroon recipe. There's usually one gal who " accidentally" leaves out one essential ingredient, such as oh... sugar or... butter! This insures others of NEVER baking the cookie " just right". And, that is just SO WRONG!

However, maybe I am just exposing the real reason for my bittersweet dislike for the whole cookie exchange. Because, as I leave for home, I notice all my foil embossed holiday recipe cards blowing down the street...only later to receive a phone call from the local emergency room asking me for a "sample" of my cookie.

Go figure, a couple people did eat my cookie AFTER ALL!

Turning Forty...(something) and Those Who KNOW Me!

2009-11-24T10:51:00.000-08:00

Yes folks...its been quite some time since I blogged here. However, I felt the urge to share my birthday celebration. You know, a little self-deprecation may be what I need these days...

First, let me say, I had a great birthday. My husband and kids planned and really put together a nice day. Complete with flowers, carrot cake, breakfast in bed, a trail of rose petals through the hallway to the family room....hmmm, someone is tryin' to say I am a couch potato. The gifts were great! I had to laugh when my husband suggested I only enjoyed this birthday due to the sheer quantity of gifts. He is probably right. He knows me too well. I am a lover of any gift, freebie, coupon...you name it. When my husband returns from a business trip, he brings back the little soaps and lotion bottles...I get so excited to receive that crap!

But, looking back at all my gifts, I have to say that many people know me too well. I went through a little mental inventory of "my birthday loot"... to see what people must think of me.

My good friend, Cindy took me to lunch and showered me with a Brighton set. If you don't know Brighton....too bad for you! Its a line of jewelry that can only be described as "my crack of choice". She has been waiting to give me the set since June. Ah, she knows me.

I received a pair of five inch heels from my MIL (that's mother in law), she saw me eyeing the sluttiest pair of purple heels at DSW and they became mine!

My neighbors brought me a bottle of white wine, that may be "telling of what we do" on weekends!

The kids know me well, too. Max bought me a sugar cookie candle (I do love any candle that SMELLS like I baked), Cranberry lip gloss/lotion set, Reese's peanut butter cups and a huge handmade card with TWO coupons to do chores anytime. I like that kid.

Maddie also bought me a Vanilla candle, lip gloss/lotion and a box of candy. Additionally, she bought me a new pair of velour sweats. Adorned, with Swarzski crystals running down the pant legs. Apparently, my old yoga pants (which never saw a day of yoga in their life) and the fleece shirt she refers to as: "Winnie the Pooh style" are not good enough when I drive her to school. These new sweats scream, "Wear these when you drive me to school at 7:30 every morning!" I tend to scream, " If you don't appreciate the attire, take the bus."

My husband was very alert to my birthday needs. He took me dinner and I didn't feel the urge to order chicken (my mother always said, "Order the chicken, its the least expensive on the menu") instead, I ordered the Petite Fillet with risotto and TWO glasses of wine....and creme' Brulee'. Later, I received TWO dresses from a catalog "left in the reading room" and a pair of sexy leggings (definitely NOT in the catalog)! Ladies, this subtle hint was all he needed. Just circle what you like in your catalogs and tape the pages DIRECTLY on the t.p. He cannot miss it!

My mother is the best reader of my needs. She sent me TWO books. I opened them and laughed when I saw the cover. The first one is the biographical story of Robert Wagner. To those of you my age, Jonathon Hart was my first crush on TV. I watched Hart to Hart every week, just to see a glimpse of him driving the Mercedes! Ahhh,to think that my mother is younger than him....its a little creepy. I think he does commercials for the Sonic Ear or AARP now. The other book, Sarah Palin. Yes, I am a fan. I know that will shock some of you. Happy we are in a country of "free speech".

So there you have it...I think my husband is right when he says, "Wow, people really know you."

PS- Thank you to the Friends on FB who also wished me a happy birthday, its great to hear from you, too!

Why My Exterminator is Gone and Other Thoughts...

2009-09-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I completely embarrassed myself last week. Typically, I keep my private things...private. But, not last Friday morning, oh no...I just "let it all hang out" there....have you ever done that?

I let our exterminator in, he's the guy who has been spraying my house for "creepy crawly things" (such as spiders and scorpions) for nearly five years.Yes, we DO have scorpions...Las Vegas is a desert.

The exterminator sprays once a month, inside and out. Last Friday, the house was less than tidy, so I decided to walk about twelve paces in front of him and lead him around the rooms. We started in the kids rooms (picking up toys and clothes) and each of their bathrooms(towels on the floor), the laundry room, both TV rooms, the workout room, office, kitchen and main entry. We rounded through the kitchen and dining room. Ah, not much to pick up in the hallway. Now, to the bedroom.

I walked in and started picking up some clothes off the floor and a pair of shoes, a few more items of clothing and then...the HORROR!

From across the room, I notice that I...okay, "WE" left a "few personal items" on the nightstand by my side of the bed. Apparently, we had an evening of romance. This, after two very large chocolate martinis the night before. Now the fog has lifted. (Yes folks, after thirteen years of marital bliss...we still do the deed!)

I race over to the display of lotions, potions and try to clear them off. My hands are full of clothes and I nearly knock various Marital Aids all over the floor. Not trying to cause a bigger scene, and frozen as to what I should do next, I open the drawer...and sweep it all in the drawer. All this time, I am not looking at the exterminator...but I know he saw my "not so casual" sweep. And, he definitely heard the "Ker-plunk" of plastic bottles and stuff...well, let's just leave it at that.

I was beyond mortified and couldn't wait for him to finally leave. I mean, we don't really get any bugs and I am the "Official bug killer" of the household. Just me and a can of hairspray gets the job done. I never have Raid but I can always find a can of Super Hold to immobilize their little legs from fleeing.

So, I sent our exterminator out the door, "knowing full well" he saw my "nightstand of ill repute" before I had rounded the corner. The damage was already done.

Of course, I had to call the husband and tell him of my x-rated Lucy moment...and he did what every guy would do, he LAUGHED. He just laughed and laughed...so I hung up.

"Hey, thanks hon, that may cost you for a very long while!"

As for the exterminator, I decided we don't need the service after all. So, I stocked up on hairspray!

Call Me LEFTY!

2009-09-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

So, here I am sitting at my desk at work. Diving into a two foot pile of papers, when I get the call...from the school nurse! It went down like this:

School Nurse: Hi, Mrs. Thurlow, this is Gladys at Nate Mack. How are you this morning?

Me: Well, I am fine. (Wondering if Max is sick, tummy ache, sore throat)

School Nurse: I have Max in my office. He fell off the monkey bars and his hand hurts. He is complaining that he can't move his fingers. Do you want to speak with him?

Me: AAHHHH Yeah...I want to speak to him, get him on the phone. Oh, Max buddy, what happened?

Muffled crying/sniffling on phone.

Max: I fell Mom. I didn't land on my feet. I can't feel my hand or fingers. I think I am fine though. (More sniffling and gasping for a breath.)

Me: I am on my way! Mommy's comin'.

So, I jump from chair, don't even turn off the computer or door for that matter. Wave to Tony , who is on a phone call. I give him "the call me sign"..and say, "Max had an accident." I race through all the lights, and squeal my tires into the school parking lot. Racing past the office monitor and into the nurse's office. Max was calm but he was wincing and in a lot of pain. I knew it was broken and not just a sprain. Didn't need a med. degree to know that his very swollen hand/wrist meant a trip to the hospital.

However, that could be a five hour wait, and unless your are bleeding from two limbs or holding your decapitated head in your hands...it will be awhile to see an ER doctor. So, I did what I always do...I call the husband. He sets me up to go straight to our good friend/neighbor who is a Chiropractor..complete with x ray machine and a quick diagnosis...broken arm. Thank you, Dr. Campbell for the speedy x-ray! Sorry Max was reeling in pain and I had to pick him up off the floor. He was in shock.

Off to an Urgent Care to get a splint. Splint on and oh crap...he has his first football game tonight. Or not. Hmmm, I guess we are sittin' on the bench for a month or so. In the $600.00 worth of gear, registration fees, helmet, ETC... I guess there's always NEXT year!

Here is LEFTY...he is lookin' good in his "Tylenol induced state" and "mostly interrupted sleep." He is home for the day...recuperating on candy bars, Motrin and homework. Yes, I am the mom who got the homework...and he will have something to do when he feels a complete recovery in an hour and begs to ride his bike. Or, jump on the trampoline.

So, here's to my son, LEFTY!

For My Precious Kiddos...May You Enjoy The First Day Of School

2009-08-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Humor. What makes kids funny? Is it genetic? So, how do they get a sense of humor? My kiddos nearly caused a car crash, cracking me up while headed home yesterday. I was laughing so hard tears were in my eyes. And...they were making fun of me!

Thankfully, I can take a good joke. I enjoy a good sense of humor and allow my kids to poke a little fun. As long as they don't take it too far and mess with the disabled or unfortunate. In this case, they messed with Mom. Actually, my music choices.

I have Sirius radio and just to give you some background these are my favorites...70's, 80's, The Coffee House (channel 30), three country stations and a Christian station. I also have FOX news, Bloomberg News, Redneck Comedy, a couple other comedy stations and a few more news stations. Just focus on the music stations and don't try to figure me out on the other stuff.

Now, I leave the 80's station on most of the time, and last night Purple Rain/Prince came on. I hadn't heard that song in a long while and started to sing it when both kids complained and teased me for the song. Max read the display and said "Oh yeah...I like Purple Rain too." To which Maddie followed up with, "Mom, this is why we don't have our friends over." (This statement is very untrue, I have kids at our house all the time...in fact, we are the fun house with a pool, Popsicles, and trampoline. Trust me, kids are here ALL the time.

So, with their little outburst on my music, I shared how this song was from my high school years. It was popular then...blah, blah, blah...Max retorts with, "Mom this music is for sad, lonely people and you are not sad or lonely." Maddie just said, "My ears are bleeding." I have to admit their commentary on the Artist Formerly known as....some "sign" I can't reproduce here, was making me laugh. (Really though, Prince was an icon for risque music and he was too freaky for me in high school). I had a good friend, Mindi, who loved Prince in high school. He was very popular, I assure you!

They went on to poke fun at all the other stations and I told them that the Jonas Brothers is not really music. They were okay with that, even though Max secretly wants some skinny pants...okay, not secretly, BUT I AM NOT BUYING HIM THOSE PANTS.

Some other humorous comments were: Did they play the forks when you were a kid?...Do you know Elvis?...Why do people have to get their Foot Loose?

My responses were: Spoons, and no, I don't know anyone who played the spoons...I don't know Elvis, I was a little kid when he died and its not a real foot that's loose, "Its Everybody get Footloose"...ya know dance. Maddie just rolled her eyes in typical fashion and Max made a paper airplane to aim into my screen and change the station.

I told them at this point, if anyone touched the screen again, it would end in a spanking. (Folks, I don't even spank, it was just a funny thing to say). But, Maddie's response was priceless. She said..."Mom that's a chance I am willing to take!"

So this one goes to the kids who think Mom's music sucks...hahaha, school starts on Monday!

**(And, if you're lucky, I might give ya a ride to school...just don't mock the music!)

An Ode To Football...And The Helmet!

2009-08-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

I promised myself to write a little more about Max. He is often "feeling left out" with his big sister, Maddie... "taking the limelight" around here. This is probably why he has such a witty personality...and tries for my attention. He is the kiddo that makes me laugh, even when I don't really feel like laughin'. So Max this story is for you!

About two years ago, Tony enrolled Max in tackle football. He bought the pads, tight little football pants, jerseys, shoes and...the helmet. We were quite excited to see how this tackle football thing would go.

Meanwhile, Tony had to head out of town for business in Wyoming. This is otherwise known as "When Lucy Moments Happen" or "Be Prepared, I Will Call You In Times Of Need." My best friend, Cindy knows "all too well" what happens when Tony leaves town. She once had to assist me in pulling out a hammock (attached to a heavy, metal green pole thingy) out of our pool.

Another time, we lost power because the construction crew building the house next door, caused some electrical thingy to break. We found shelter at Cindy's. I know she saved the day more than just these times...but, I digress, this story is about MAX!

So, I was off to take Max to his football practice. He was all padded up and ready to go. I made sure the pads were tight to his body, counting the same amount of holes in each of those "buckle things" that wrap around his ribs. Tony said the coach would help him with the helmet...not to worry. When we got to the field, the coach put his helmet on and made sure he had the "mouth thingy" in too. Don't wanna lose any teeth!

The practice lasted about two hours...maybe two days. I was so dang tired from a long day at work and then, bouncing from one kid's sport to another, that by the time I got to the football field, I could have slept on a bleacher. Or, the ground.

I was really looking forward to seeing Tony come home that night. His flight had taken off and he would arrive home as practice was ending. When practice did end, Max walked over and we were wildly late to pick up his sister at gymnastics...across town! I told him to hop in the car and we would do the Houdini dance of taking off the gear in the car. Mind you, Max is so flexible and he said "Okay Mom, let's get Maddie".

So, we were off to pick her up when Max says , "Hey Mom, if we get in an accident, I will be protected." Always one to find the bright side of a situation. I had to laugh. We got Maddie and headed home. Max tried to pull his helmet off but was having no luck. I told him to wait a little longer, afterall...like he said, it is good protection in an accident. I would help him out of his gear when we got home. Or so I thought...

We arrived in the garage and Max got out. He looked a little sweaty, so I was eager to get him out of the gear. I grabbed his helmet and gave a little tug to take it off. It wouldn't budge. Tony DID mention that you have to hold the sides out so his head can come out. So, with all my might, I pulled on the sides. But the stinkin' thingy wouldn't come off his head. Maddie even got in on the action. We had a go of tug of war with Max. This helmet was on for good!

I debated going to a neighbor for help, but thought how ridiculous I would seem, not getting a helmet off. And, Tony should be home by now. I told Max we could wait for Dad. But, the poor kid needed proper blood flow. So, we continued to tug.

I was looking at the helmet. Mostly for an Easy button, something to "Pop" or release this kid from the confines. I almost gave up when he said something about a... chin strap. Yes, I see the chin thingy. I know you can't start by pullin' that off the chin. Again, a muffled voice says, "chin strap."

And, that's when I learned that the straps around the helmet had meaning. One is actually ATTACHED to the chin strap. Did you know that? I sure as heck didn't!

Well, we got helmet off just before Tony got home. Max in all his wooziness and sweat, took a shower.

I thought I was in the clear until Tony walked in the door and said, "Son, how was practice?" Max told the whole miserable story...I will never forget the chin strap again son, I promise!

*Max, you make me laugh, you make me smile!

Trash versus Give Away...

2009-08-19T09:23:00.001-07:00

The countdown to the first day of school is fast approaching. Kids are cleaning their rooms, closet, under the bed and dresser drawers, so we know what they need for school.

Max needs socks. Maddie needs shoes.

I need another box of Hefty bags for their trash. Two bags per room. One reads: "Trash" and the other: "Give Away". "Trash" is full... but "Give Away" is very light. Not because its a recession. We have enough to give away. "Give Away" is a tough bag, though. The kids can't part with the Mc Donald's Happy Meal toys, broken toys and stained, but favorite t-shirts. Max has baby books, boxes of rocks, sticks he whittled with his Daddy and pictures of himself with Jeremy Mc Grath. He is a collector.

Maddie has oodles of books, she is my bookworm. She also keeps junk, four drawers worth, in her two night stands. Her "Give Away" items are far a and few between. Consisting of a couple old leotards and a pair of sweatpants. Nevermind, the closet shelf of stuffed animals and Webkins. She doesn't play with them, but they must stay. And with her "puberty striking attitude", I pick my battle and allow them to stay a little longer.

I did run across Max's bed and noticed his favorite stuffed animal. This one...I will keep for him. It will never be trash, never be given away. It will be mine to hold for him FOREVER. "Lamby."

"Lamby" is a little stuffed....you guessed it, Lamb. I bought it many years ago, when Max was sick with the flu and needed a prescription filled at Walgreens. I remember picking it up with a coloring book and crayons. He must have been sick around Easter, as they had a large selection of bunnies and lambs. Mind you, Max remembers the exact date and time "Lamby" came into our lives. I just remember the pink Amoxicillian and Motrin. And, another co-pay for the day.

"Lamby" has a friend, aptly named "Piggy." He is not the main character in our house. But he lives with Lamby...on his own pillow. Good thing Lamby and Piggy weren't in the "Give Away" bag...but what about those broken down, plastic, action figures and sticks. Hmmm.....

20 Ways to Stretch Your Dollar...

2009-08-14T17:53:00.000-07:00

While driving to the grocery store, I was thinking about all the new ways I saved money this week. Thought I would share them with you, in hopes of helping just one friend out there to save a buck or two. Enjoy!!

Grocery shop at stores that have the extra value card and gas station. I saved $10.00 on gas this week using the card/.50 cents off the gallon for my 20 gallon tank. My Rubicon thanked me!

Read the "streamer length sized" receipt from your purchases for coupons. I had a $5.00 off coupon when I spent 25.00 at a store. Also, Fresh and Easy market has great food coupons.

Okay...COUPONS! Spend a few minutes and sort the mail. You would be surprised how many coupons, meals/"buy one entree, get one free" and such are tucked in what used to be my "junk mail"! Gone are the days of tossing the junk mail. I find a "gem" each week!

Limit the coffee drinks to a "treat". They cost about $5.00 plus the extra calories. I used to drink a Venti white chocolate iced latte 2-3 times a week. That's about $15.00! Times that by 4 and its $60.00...now I am not a mathematician ( I leave it to my husband to run numbers) but I do know that's a new pair of shoes for me!

Unplug it. Yes, go around your house and unplug items you don't use all the time. The toaster, blender, radio...does anyone have a radio? We unplug everything before we leave on trips and it saves money. Plus, you may be "going green" too!

Read your credit card statements for errors.

Double check your checking accounts, too.

Stop buying bottled water. The tap water was okay "when we were kids"...we have gotten so lazy to buy water when you have a faucet.

Gym memberships... why? Do you live on a block? Can you walk the block for exercise? Walk the dog or go for a swim. You don't have to forgo exercise, just the expense.

Call your insurance company and make sure you are getting the lowest rate for auto insurance. Shop a little.

Call the cable company and see what they are offering new subscribers. You too, should get that deal.

Buy books at Amazon.com. You can save about 50% on a book, despite waiting for it to arrive, that's a good deal!

Go online and look for coupons. I sent my husband to the Sporting good store armed with three different coupons to buy Max's football shoes, 20%-30% off. Considering the uniform and helmet will be expensive, you have to save somewhere.

Ask for a discount when you buy something. It doesn't hurt and in this economy, people may be willing to budge. Its the difference between a sale and no sale.

Plan your errands around your drive. For instance, pick up the dry cleaning while on another errand nearby.

Buy bulk. I sent my husband to Costco for laundry soap, t.p. and paper towels... among a few other things we use, ENDLESSLY. I love the fact that he will run this errand and carry it into the house. While I appreciate the prices, I hate the experience and huge parking lot!

Get the kids to help save too. I make them sort the coupons and pick where we can eat, where we will buy new shoes, etc...

Make a "game" of it. I never thought I would clip coupons, read the "junk mail", ask for a discount and call for lower rates. But, I get so excited to get a deal! You'd think I won the lottery. And, now I am addicted to finding a way to save a few dollars each day. I am not cheap. I buy what we need and yes...truth be told, I got my nails done today. But, I saved a heck of a lot all week and felt good about it. And, my nails look great!!

Sell stuff. I am getting rid of some items on Craig's List. Some people are addicted to eBay. One person's junk...!

Enjoy what you have. We are such a "throw away" society. Imagine how empty antique shops will be in a few years!

Okay...so I have shared my tightwad tips. Do you have any money saving tips to share? Please tell me what you do to save a buck!

And..."Tats" How I Roll...

2009-07-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Fresh Ink. My left arm wrapped in barbed wire. Yes, a tattoo. I could barely believe it myself. I am not in pain, thankfully. And, my husband is very ecstatic. A little tramp stamp on his wife. The kids were adversely taken back. No surprise here. Especially my Maddie. She is appalled that her strict as nails Mother (who doesn't allow pieced ears or a cell phone on those ears) would be so trashy to get a tattoo. What kind of double standard have we started here? All I could come back with was..."Hey, when you are over 40, you can do as you like with your body." This didn't go over though. Even Max was upset, after all...he gels his hair in a "faux-hawk" and thinks Skinny Pants are in his future. He's nine! I still dress him in GAP and Old Navy. No Skinny Pants allowed. Ever.

Back to the Tat. We spent the evening trying to explain...defend...JUSTIFY the ink. Tony was worn down and decided to do the most fatherly thing...he let the kids get a tattoo! Maddie came out with a purple and black flower on the inside of her forearm. Max got a FOX logo emblazed in "fireflame" orange and black.

Yep, "tats how we roll" folks.

**(They'll fade in about a week, depending on how many baths and showers are taken!)

Country Boots and Country Dancin'

2009-07-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the Duck Creek Dance, complete with the band... Muddy Boots. Yep, I reckon' I have become a "little bit Country" over the years. My O.C. days didn't stick, and that's quite alright. I love cowboy boots, big belts and straw cowboy hats. My husband wears 'em best though. Yes folks, my husband started the whole thing...

Before we dated, we were Friends. you know... the "Harry Met Sally" friendship. I would talk about my lame long distance romance and he would brag about the various conquests he was maintaining. I met my husband in 1986. He lived below me in the dorm. Manzanita at ASU. He was quiet, reserved and we never hung out too much back in '86.

I ran into him a few years later...by way of Dance 100 Class. He was satisfying a Humanities requirement, I was gettin' an easy A. We studied together and attended all the dance concerts as well. He was very cute. Did I mention how I would stare at him instead of Professor Bernice? I even want as far as forging his name on the attendance roster...on days he slept through class. (It was at 11:40am.) We both received A's for the class. And went on our separate paths AGAIN.

We ran into each other in '90 and he asked me out to a rodeo. I was so excited, I even bought cowboy boots and a hat in Scottsdale, on Main Street. Mind you, it was not a date...okay, I was wishful thinking. (My boyfriend was in Nebraska/law school and something told me that this would not last, thankfully it didn't).

So, off to my first rodeo! Tony said "we'd be meeting several of our college friends" there. We waited at the front gate/ticket booth for an eternity. Then, we decided to just go on and find seats. I remember the tight crowds and grabbed his arm, did I mention his incredible biceps? Whoa Girl, slow down!

We watched the rodeo and for some odd reason, never found our college group. I wasn't really concerned though. I had "Mr. Bicep" next to me all night! I remember when he asked me to dance on the way out. We stopped and danced to some country music. It was my first Rodeo...and first Country Dance!

So, fast forward to '93, I was single and back in Arizona. Tony and I reconnected through a mutual friend, I kissed him on a bar stool and the rest is history. I had been saving that kiss for nearly seven years! Now, when we don a pair of dusty cowboy boots and a hat...I remember that Rodeo and the dance... like it was the first date! Because, you and I know...it was.

I can't wait for tonight. We have been married nearly 13 years, but it feels like the Rodeo Nite all over again. I will grab his arm (again) to lead to me to the dance floor..it will feel like time has not passed.

Start Your Engines....

2009-07-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

Shhh... don't tell anyone of my unique sporting interests. I have kept my NASCAR watching in the closet and "on the down low" for a little while. Only letting my closest of friends know of my secret obsession. The smell of burning rubber, black tire stains on my shirt and the roar of the engines excite me. I can't explain it. I can explain however, the first day I watched NASCAR...

It was February 1997 and I was home alone in a new apartment in lovely Las Vegas. My husband of about four months, was busy at work on a Saturday morning. Got a promotion right into a six day work week! I dare mention, I was already preggo (YES, you can get preggo on the honeymoon) and morning sickness was in full swing. I recall eating my Saltine crackers and a Sprite on our old, Desert print, cactus and coyote adorned sectional. I could barely keep my attention on the mile high stack of wedding thank you's. I was sick of writing, "Thank you for the (toaster, comforter, bath towels, blah, blah, blah)... it lovely seeing you, oh by the way...a baby shower will be held in seven months...prepare yourself for another gift!"

Okay, so you got the picture...I was baby on board, on the ugly sofa and didn't like writing thank you's. I could only focus on basic stuff, when I stopped the remote on NASCAR. It may have been the mention of M&M's on Ernie Ervin's yellow car or a desire to drink a Miller Lite with Rusty Wallace...whatever the case, I was hooked. I mean, its an easy concept, go around the little oval and finish the race. And, I picked my own sport. My husband had no influence on this. He will assure you!

(Small digression here: Ten years later, he bought a Corvette and raced on a track...took 2nd place!)

I began to watch this "oval race" each Sunday...Sunday...Sunday! Saturday races were okay, but Sunday was the real day to watch! Bigger drivers and better crashes. Those races would get me through some tough times. I would forget the nausea, stretchmarks and cravings. Okay, not the cravings...Reese Peanut Butter Cups were always a coffee table away!

My husband greeted me with the best surprise one evening. He was fortunate to have met a driver through one of his First year-Advisors and scored two tickets to the boxes above the pits.

There, I was able to sit above the late, Dale Earnhardt's pit. I also met Rusty Wallace and got an elbow from Jeff Gordon's security...hmmm, might have been to close! (1997)

Anyhow...its out there. NASCAR is my thing. I let my Redneck show. Do you have a secret worth sharing? I would love to hear!!

Mountain Woman Gains 5 lbs. In Record Time...

2009-07-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am embarking on a new food intake plan. The intake will involve pitifully small amounts of food, 5-6 times a day with lots o' water and a handful of vitamins. As I am tad hungry (all day) I will then take at least two walks...okay make it one walk every day. I will do this until I fit into my size 2 Ambercrombie jeans again.

I was hoping to wear those jeans tonight on my "mountain date" to the local pizza place--- Hot Mamma's--- where my husband and I will watch the 100th UFC fight!! Yes, I did say pizza place. I have decided not to eat the pizza, just smell it. I think I will gain less calories through my olfactory senses. I will have a big ass glass of water and maybe a salad. No dressing.

Ah, I am dreaming of a cup of yogurt right now. Maybe later, a little baby carrot for a snack...oh heck they are small...maybe two!! I will eat my meals on the salad sized plates, making me feel like I am eating a full plate of food...fooling myself. I will refrain from any chocolate martinis (although my husband makes the BEST drink...complete with chocolate syrup dripping down the inside of the glass and a funsize Almond Joy perched on the edge of the glass).

I will get back on the scale each morning to motivate myself...as if the jeans aren't motivation.

No more apple pie, chicken pot pie, five egg omelets or s'mores for me. I am over it with that food! However, the chili cook off is a week away and if I get into those jeans...maybe I will indulge in a cup...!

If you have any suggestions for me...please comment! I need all the help I can get to slide back into those jeans.

10 Reasons The Mountains Make Me Happy...

2009-07-09T17:04:00.000-07:00

I am at peace. I am in the mountains. I know this cannot last forever, but for the month of July...the mountains make me happy. Here, is a top ten list of things that make me happy at altitude:

10. The peace and quiet (No CNBC, the Dow Jones or phones ringing)

9. The Moo of the cows below, in the valley....MOOOOO!! (Sadly, we tend to eat a steak for dinner)

8. Max and Maddie riding motorcycles with their Daddy ('cause Mommy doesn't ride)

7. Cooking homemade pies and eating s'mores by the fire (yum!)

6. Eating an omelet, made by my hubby (no one can come close to this breakfast, not even Krispy Kreme!)

5. Sleeping in (past 7am...okay, past 8am!!)

4. Watching the chipmunks, squirrels and deer wander in nature (just don't have that view in Vegas, do I?)

3. Reading books without feeling guilty (I have a dozen books waiting for me)

2. Playing Monopoly with Max (and, not letting him beat me anymore...he is competition now...its on!)

1. Spending QUALITY time with family (need I say more?)

Ah, even the Chihuahua is relaxed and asleep on the dirt/rock driveway! And, smiling in his slumber.

So, what makes you happy?

An Ode to Pot Pies...

2009-07-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I love a good pot pie. As a kid, I remember the Swanson's pot pie, in its metal tin. Then, came the Stouffer's pot pie and Marie Callendar's. But, as luck would have it, I am the pot pie maker. Only at the cabin. Thanks to a recipe from Cooking Light magazine and a lot of boredom on my part. I cook much better up at altitude. Okay, I just cook. We can't just run out for dinner ya' know. Applebees is considered a fancy restaurant and its just over an hour away in Cedar City, Utah.

My family has a tradition revolving around the pot pie. Sick, I know. But, we have the instituted the Duck Creek Pot Pie Contest! We assemble our own pot pie, fill it with various ingredients (corn, peas, carrots, chicken, mushrooms, cream of chicken soup) and decorate the top of our pie. My husband always wins the contest. He spends just enough time to make me worry. I am not a hater...but he is SO competitive.

So, last night, he was omitted from the contest. (Okay, he was building shelves in the new garage and no one told him about the contest.) Instead, we had four kids and of course...me. The kids' cousins had fun making pot pies and said they never ate one before. Well, thanks to their Country lovin' Aunt, they made and ate their entire pot pie!

Max decorated his with the vegetables on the outside. Maddie needed a toothpick to poke holes around the edge. Cousin James added L.L. (for "Ladies Love"). Cousin Danny went with a less time intensive crust. I put a little dough heart for mine...I love them pot pies!!

Duck Creek Parade

2009-07-06T09:01:00.000-07:00

I love the little town of Duck Creek. The parade floats which consist of ATV's, Rangers and big a** trucks strewn with streamers and American flags are so redneck. But, we are in the country...and redneck is okay here. Redneck is dirty Wranglers and dusty boots. Its cowboys hats and bandannas on bald heads. And, its a nice break from the glitz of Las Vegas... our home the other eleven months of the year.

We decorated the Ranger with flags and streamers, the three boys decided to have Maddie fix their hair in ponytails. I was quite surprised they would allow her to touch their hair, let alone assemble it in little ponytails that resembled faux Mohawks.

The pelting of candy went just as planned. The kids were happy to toss candy to smaller kids, often more than a sole Tootsie Roll. The teenagers were in for a world of hurt though. They got pelted with jawbreakers, salt water taffy and Dum Dum lollipops...by my husband. He loves to pelt the candy and does this while driving! He also pelted his sister on the side of the road. Oh, the fun never ends.

I gave my parade wave. I missed out on Prom Queen (in high school) and I believe this is as close as it gets. Redneck and all. Husband pelting candy in his cowboy hat as I smile and offer the "cupped hand wave" to the parade watchers. We are a pair!

The fireworks are little 'po dunk too. They aren't the big fan fare in the sky. Instead, the local firemen (fully decked in their uniforms, hat and all) light those little firecrackers you remember doing as a kid. The ones your parents would buy and light on the street. Piccolo Petes and little Screaming sparklers. I think the kids were all a little disappointed but Maddie enjoyed the hula hoop contest. She won! Got a coin dollar. If the gymnastics thing isn't for her, she can fall back on hula hooping!!

Yes, Duck Creek is no Las Vegas...and for that I am grateful.

Family and Fireworks...

2009-07-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July! Sitting here (in the cabin) just reflecting on the previous day's events and glad we are finally together. From cleaning and preparing for my in-laws (mom-in-law, sis-in-law, and two adorable nephews) to the fight between my two precious kiddos, and the wrong turn taken to Bryce Canyon...we are reunited.

I was busy getting last minute laundry and vacuuming finished. My husband, was doing yard work and washing the Ranger for the big PARADE! Gotta have a shiny Ranger for the Duck Creek parade. Kids don't care about the decorated Ranger as much as the five bags of candy they will pelt at children on the side of the road. It was requested that I purchase only hard candies....OUCH!

Got a call from my sister in law, who asked, "Are you near Pine Lake?" to which I said, "Hang on let me get the man of the house and his directions". You see, I am more of a "fast food landmarker". Ahhh, take a left at the Wendy's and go two blocks 'til you see the Chili's, pass a Taco Bell and turn right.... you see how my directions work. So, when I was asked about a Pine Lake, I gave up....

Tony got on the phone to help his sister. I heard him ask, "Okay, where are you now?"...and her response, Pine Lake. "Okay, are you headed North?" She said she was North and then he asked her to turn right and yet... she was still North. At this point, Tony asked her to use the GPS in the new car. I also heard him remind her that there were two "tech savvy" kiddos in the back of the car who could easily operate the GPS. This is very true. Kids have a way with computer screens, it looks just like a Nintendo.

Fast forward to a second phone call, (forty five minutes later) when sister in law cheerfully called to give me an update. She had made "a complete circle", finding the road and was headed to our cabin. Let's call it the Scenic Circle...

During my in laws "scenic drive", my own kids decided to have World War III. Fighting ensued, a glass of pink lemonade hit the carpet, mom got mad, one kid had bite marks on his shoulder and tears were flowing. Wishing I was in my sister in law's "Scenic Circle ride"...I put my smack down on the kiddos. I wanted them to cool down before the family arrived. Who knows, in a perpetual circle, it may take awhile. I was wishing for that.

I made both kids write their side of the story. I was tired of the "he said/she said" and really didn't care...I had pink lemonade soaking into the carpet. So, here my kids were, sitting on the front porch on the green Adirondack chairs, writing their confessions. Max wrote two pages that basically kept him out of trouble. At the end, he pleaded mercy and wrote, "If you believe me and love me, trust the kid that is bleeding TO DEATH."

Maddie's letter was three pages and complete with illustration of her fall off the hammock rolling into a rock down a "little slope". Very graphic. Great use of vocabulary! She ended her letter with..."Mom, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings when I hurt Max"...ah, she did bite him. Lots of big hearts at the bottom of the page too.

So, I did what all Moms do, I kept these letters. They are great!! So are my kids now that their cousins left their perpetual circle near a Pine Lake. All four of them are playing great, as usual.

We are off to pelt candy at unsuspecting kiddos now. More to come! Happy 4th!!

Cabin Life

2009-07-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

Our blissful cabin is located in Duck Creek Utah, just 33 miles from Cedar City, Utah and a mere four hour drive from our home in Las Vegas.

We purchased our cabin on 7/7/07, at 7:07pm. I don't believe in numerology but that "seven thing" is pretty odd. Tony is a numbers guy and noticed the irony on the purchase paperwork. It may be lucky.

I have to say I feel lucky when we are here. I am at peace, no deadlines, chauffeuring kids to soccer or the gym four times a week. No work or phone calls. No traffic, no shopping, no errands...no nothing.

Instead, we have formed many traditions in our cabin. Max likes to play Monopoly with Mom. Maddie likes to drive the Ranger with her Dad, to Aunt Sue's for a homemade pie. Sometimes, we just make one. We also make chicken pot pies, (Marie Callendars look out)! My husband likes to listen to the local country band, Muddy Boots play their music. I always get a slow dance in!

We sit by the fire and make S'mores, the kids ride dirt bikes and Tony works. He really never stops working. From laying bricks, grading the garage, hanging pictures, shoveling snow, fixing dirt bikes, snowmobiles, etc.... He rarely relaxes. On the other hand, I can relax all day long. Okay, all month long. I read, write, play with the kids, read cookbooks and make new meals. I wouldn't say we are Little House on the Prairie, but it is a BIG step from the life we made in Las Vegas.

So, here's to the month of July and our real family time. Time away from homework, organized sports, junk mail, grocery lines, the office... and here's to spending time as a family. The way we should be everyday...not just on the lucky month of July!

Hey Lunchbox!

2009-06-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Did your lunchbox define you? Did you carry a metal one? Or, a vinyl one? Were you more of a TV show, cartoon, Football team or character? I look back at my annual lunch box purchases with fond memories. My mom would patiently take me to each discount store (Woolworth's, K-mart, the food store) to find JUST the right lunchbox. I remember every lunchbox I carried. Mom was a saint and dealt with my (obsessive) need for a different lunchbox every year. One year, I couldn't decide and was the proud owner of TWO! That was a good year...

1st grade- Snoopy

2nd grade- Barbie (in Vinyl) and Super friends
3rd grade- Betsy Clark

4th grade- Holly Hobbie
5th grade- Charlie's Angels

6th grade- brown paper sack

I remember how we would judge kids on their lunchbox. If they had a cool character like Six Million Dollar Man or Evel Knievel...that was cool. But, if a kid had some TV show like, say The Walton's...this really defined the kid. Set him up for a year of ridicule at the lunch table. That Walton's carrying kid also had a box of raisins and an olive sandwich. Poor kid.

I always secretly wanted a Little House on the Prairie lunchbox. I liked Nellie Olsen and all.

Cool boys had their favorite NFL team, The Hulk or Star Wars. Cool girls had Holly Hobbie and TV shows.

But, the thermos always did a lot of damage. It would roll around and flatten the fluffy, Wonder bread p.b.& j. Sometimes, it would "smash" a Ho-Ho or a Hostess cupcake. I hated that. No matter how my mom would pack it, something it would always get steamrolled in the metal box.

What lunchbox did you have a kid? Please comment...!!

Lost an Angel on Earth, Gained an Angel in Heaven...

2009-06-25T10:47:00.001-07:00

Today, we lost and Angel on Earth...but Heaven has gained one. As you may know, Farrah has passed away. I wanted to share my memories of Farrah with you. I was a big fan of Charlie's Angels and have memories of the lunchbox (my fifth grade weapon, made of metal), the action dolls (I had all three), and of course, the POSTER. My dad bought the poster (for me) and hung it in my room. As a young girl, I would stare at it and wish for such a beautiful smile. Her teeth were amazing. Most people were "looking elsewhere", but for me...it was the teeth!

Recently, I was on a journey to "enhance my body"-- you can read more in my previous blog..."Two Boobs or Not Two Boobs" (to be "filled in"). I had an epiphany. I realized that my first step to physical improvement began with my teeth. At age 38, I was the proud recipient of braces. Twelve months later, straight teeth. All thanks to my husband who wanted me to be happy with my smile, and to "Dr. Frank" who made me pretty.

I know it all started with that poster and a smile that would shine down on me. Sitting on my bed, I would look up and think..."How did she get those teeth SO white?" Again, I did not purchase the poster. This was the handiwork of my father who hung it on my closet door. I really wanted the poster that had all three Angels! He bought this one. Hmmm....wonder why.

Anyhow, I was writing about a nice set of new boobs and this poster came back to me. I had one of those deja vu moments about the poster, the teeth and now the boobages. I was re-telling this childhood story to my husband, who sadly puts up with all my walks down memory lane. I am an only child...he has to suffer!

So, I added this memory to my "soon to be best seller of a book". Then, I changed my mind on the boobs, altogether. I do know that Farrah was a big part of my childhood though. So, was the poster....

An icon of hair, bathing suits and THOSE teeth...may she rest in peace and her family have many happy memories of her. She will be missed.

*If you have memories of the 70's, watched Charlie's Angels or if you wore Farrah hair, please comment!

Driving Part Deux...otherwise known as: "Ma'am Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?"

2009-06-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit it. I may suck at driving a little. A retraction of my previous blog regarding my driving skills and that of my husband, Tony, is also in order. He was rather peeved at my comments about Monster Trucks and the whole "A package" comment. I do call his truck that, in private and we laugh together, but it appears it is "not so funny"--- when its on the web for all to read. I did remind him that "maybe only seven people read my blog" and I don't have a "following" past his sister and a friend or two...this was not good enough!

So it goes...I drove (again) us home from yet another road trip. Tony had worked all week in Arizona, seeing clients while the kids and I basked in the Phoenix sun at the JW Marriott/ Desert Ridge. Beautiful pools and a lazy river for the kids. I am spoiled rotten!

Tony got as far as Wickenberg, (about an hour out of town) and deserved a break from driving. I jumped in the driver's seat, adjusted myself (suicidally close) to the steering wheel, adjusted my mirrors and made my way to the two-lane highway. Watching for the speed limit sign (55), I drove cautiously down the road. My husband not so kindly pointed out that people can be stopped for driving too slow. I laughed and reminded him "that I had just seen the 55 speed limit sign" to which we laughed at "driving too slow." It was at this point, I noticed a highway patrol car behind me.

I had nothing to fear, after all... I was going the speed limit. Exactly. I saw the sign and know that AZ is famous for catching speeders with all their fancy, photo surveillance cameras atop the police vehicles. I was not gonna fall for that trap.

Being followed by a highway patrol does unnerve me, though. Even as "Dudley Do Right" as I am...I get panicky and nervous. I tried to keep relaxed and asked the kiddos if they had their seat belts on correctly. They wear the shoulder part behind them and I don't want an improper seat belt ticket. Not gonna fall for that trap either!

Now, I was being followed for about three miles and was really hoping the cop would race past me, so I could just calm down. And then...the lights flashed!

Yes...I got pulled over.

As I pulled over to the side of the road, I asked Tony, "What the hell did I do?" He quietly got the registration out of the glove box and said, "Honey don't talk too much...let him do the talking, okay?" I agreed. But, anyone who knows me...knows this is an impossibility. I am a loud mouth. I am Italian. I am a loud mouth Italian! May my ancestors be proud. I am not like the Housewives of New Jersey...but wait, I was born in New Jersey. Crap!

So, we rolled down the window on the passenger side. This is when my mouth really needed some duct tape. Officer Wright, (I couldn't even make this name up, true story) says to me, "Good afternoon, how are you both, today?" And, the ever popular..."License and registration please" followed. To which, I was ready to tell him a few explicit words, despite my kids in the backseat.

But, I held my tongue for a moment and cheerfully said, "Okay."

Now, I should have refrained...I should have listened to my husband's wise words and not said another word. But, I didn't do that. Instead, I said...."Can you tell me just WHY you pulled me over?" And, yes I was a little smug while asking.

After all, I knew the speed limit.

Officer Wright responded, "Ah, yes ma'am I would be happy to tell you why I stopped you... you see the speed limit is 65, and you were driving 10 below the speed limit, often times guilty people and criminals drive slowly." Ah, did he just call me a criminal? Oh he didn't!

I did the right thing and apologized for driving the posted speed limit prior to the following 65 sign...hmmm, where was that sign, anyhow? He laughed and never even looked at my driver's license or registration*. That easy. I was off the hook.

*Little digression here: I don't mind showing my licence though. It's a fabulous picture, good hair day, I have lost weight since the photo shoot and they got me in the right light there at the DMV.

Anyhow, my husband gave a little chuckle and I think I even saw Tony wink at the officer...as if they had a little joke between the two of them. I was not amused. I was irritated that this officer was sympathizing with my husband, perhaps an underlying: "I'm sorry you're stuck with her kind of thing"!

And yes, I drove the rest of the trip with the damn cruise control on 65,... okay 70. I was quiet for the remainder of the ride home. Tony was right. I do drive too slow!

Superior Driving Skills Revealed...

2009-06-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

I am an excellent driver. Don't be fooled by my husband who states otherwise. Take Sunday afternoon for example. Tony was thrashed from both the long weekend of backbreaking landscaping at our cabin and his dirt bike ride with Max. So, I offered to drive us home. To which I received silence...my husband's way of sayin'- "No thanks hon, I'll drive myself."

He hates my driving. Can't understand why...I'm a very competent driver, even while driving his rig. Oh, let me describe his rig for ya...

A Ford F-350 Super Duty with a lift kit and big ass tires. Big enough that a little motorized stair pops down when you open the truck door. I refer to this Testosterone Monster Truck as the "A-package" (for all the A-holes that drive these trucks). But, I digress....

Tony was just tired enough to let me drive us home from Utah. A couple hours from home. Or, as he would put it..."if you drive 85 in the left lane, keeping the RPM's under 200 and watching the miles per gallon as to not waste the diesel gas...we will be home in 72 minutes"...blah, blah, blah. Did I mention "cruise control"?

Cruise control is Tony's favorite feature of any vehicle. The fact that I refuse to use it...makes him downright frustrated. Its just that I like to know that "I am still driving" and any time I have used it, I just ended up putting my foot on the brake which causes the "cruise to end" and then you have to reset the dang thing...all while driving. Just drive I say! Does Jeff Gordon use this? NO... then, why should I?

Tony's comments were the following: "Its Sunday, you can't drive in the right lane"..."Oh, an '84 Ford Fiesta just passed us"... "Do you always drive so close to the steering wheel?" To which, in my mind I answered him..."Why can't I drive in the right lane"... "I am going the speed limit, I just wanted that Ford Fiesta to pass me and yes, I have to be this close to the steering wheel...that way I can see OVER the big ass dashboard".

Men just drive different, that's all. He can drive 85, switch lanes while eating a Big Mac and read the thirteen different gauges like: odometer, speedometer, RPM...in fact the instruments that came standard were not enough for Tony. He bought a set of three more that hang on the left side of the window panel. He is, afterall a numbers guy, but I think its an obsession to be watching all those numbers and "calculate" like a scene from "Rainman"...."eight fish sticks...I like eight fish sticks when I watch Wheel of Fortune"...

As for the ride home, I got us home safe and sound...I even passed that Ford Fiesta, (as they were fixing the flat tire)!

If you have similar issues or if you are a guy, I wanna hear from you...I need some insight on male driving...please comment below!

You Know You're Gettin' Older When...

2009-06-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

I decided a top ten list would best explain how I am feeling today. Quite frankly, I feel ancient this week...could have been the family trip to Disneyland that started it all. Panicking on a roller coaster isn't exactly "a young at heart" attitude. So, it got me to thinking how many things I notice about getting old, here goes:

Watching my grey hairs pop up every six weeks. Tony calls me "Jay Leno." I call it my "raccoon,"... then, I call Judy for my next coloring appointment "to make 'em go away"!
Reading the menu further and further away from my body. I find 12-16 inches a perfect distance to read these days. If Tony holds it across the table, I can read it! And, yes I do have reading glasses, problem is, I forget them.
When spelling out my name to people, I still tend to say: "Caprice, like the car" to which now people don't have a clue what a "Caprice Classic" is anymore. I have to find a new reference! It worked for most of my life...hmmm.
My music. I listen to Sirius radio and my stations are: 70's, 80's, 90's, two country stations, Redneck comedy, the coffee house,... need I go on? You are either: assured a great stroll down memory lane with me or as my kids put it, "Mom can we just drive in silence, please?" Maddie hates the Decade Stations. Max hates the Coffee House station. I hate the Jonas Brothers. Guess we're even.
Achy bones when I wake up. I mean come on...I just got 9 or so hours of sleep, we have a great mattress, so why am I so achy waking up? Now, I have to take a handful of vitamins to keep the 'ol bones from creakin'.
The NEED for coffee every morning. It's a "miracle drug" really. This narcotic helps me get things moving along, in more ways than one. And YOU know what I mean!
Forgetfulness. This is actually my husband's issue, not mine. But it affects me too. I am now the "reminder" of: missing keys, wallets in pockets and sunglasses on the forehead. I now recite the mental list of things he could be missing... cell phone--- "check", watch--- "check" you get the picture.
Hiring younger and younger interns for the office and then, not being able to relate. I talk about my college years (playing Quarters/mix tapes), television shows ( Little House on the Prairie to Moonlighting) and my first car ( '84 Mustang). My colleagues think I'm a relic dug up from the ashes.
Comfortable shoes. I am "on the lookout" for a six inch, comfortable (slutty) heel that doesn't come from Natrulizer or Life Stride.
Technology. I am so tired of Texting. Why can't people just call me? I hate having to text back. I know, embrace technology....blah, blah, blah....how 'bout embrace verbal communication, something without a colon and a parenthesis as a "smile." :)

I feel much better getting these out in the open. Do you have anything that makes you feel older? Comment below!!

Disneyland Still Rocks...

2009-06-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I pulled the end of the year surprise on the kiddos...a trip to Disneyland! Tony and I picked them up from school (1/2 day) last Thursday and had their bags packed for a little trip. For two weeks, they thought we were headed up to our summer cabin in Utah. They didn't know we bought a 3 day hopper vacation to Disneyland. So, it was past the California Inspection booth...ahh..."any plants, fruits in the vehicle," past the Los Angeles signs and 15 to the 60 to the 57 fwy. In fact, it wasn't until I stopped the car in front of a hotel bearing a big Disneyland sign with Mickey Mouse in his Wizard hat...that the kids still didn't know where we were.

I must disclose their report cards here, because you may be thinking they are "stupid is as stupid does". Maddie got the Straight A Honor Roll, the Principal award and Max passed his classes too. Sadly, Maddie had her head in a book, How To Steal A Dog by Barbara O'Connor (yes, I'm now reading it, its on my desk here) and Max was drawn into his Nintendo DS. Thank Goodness for such good passengers. Too bad they DIDN'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!!

On to Disneyland...and this new place, California Adventure. I grew up in Irvine and you'd think I'd know more about Cali, So Cal or whatever people call it these days. I recall when you'd buy the tickets for $13.00 and then tear them out of the little booklet. A tickets to E tickets. I remember when Space Mtn. was an E ticket and the Main Street Horse ride was an A ticket. We never took the horse ride. It was reserved for old people. And, you'd always go home with the A tickets left for the next trip to "D-land". I also remember that "America Sings...America the Beautiful" ride, sponsored by Monsanto...they made you stand in a row and watch a movie of America, then my friends and I would "crank call" people on the free phone booths outside the theater. Oh, the good old days!!

So what happened over the years to cause me to hate the rides? I think its the dozen or so years that I stopped riding roller coasters, too busy with sippy cups and Pull Ups to remember "what fun" is all about. I watch too much CSI and "the roller coaster that falls off the track" episodes.

I used to be the one to ride the same coaster over and over. Just get right back in line. Over and Over. Now, I freak out and the only way to control my anxiety is with closed eyes and a prayer. I hate to admit that I closed my eyes on California Screamin. But, when we got off the ride and looked at the pictures posted for purchase, my husband just laughed and said "How do you keep 'em closed the whole time?"

The same picture popped up at every ride. Tony, Maddie and Max; eyes wide open, smiling and arms waving in the air....ohh, the fun they were having. Caprice... eyes tightly closed, hands gripping the bar, face smashed and distorted. A small tear forming in her eye. Not exactly the picture of the Happiest Place on Earth for me! My husband kept teasing that he would buy the picture because it cracked him up so. Just what he needs on the credenza of his office. He did buy the picture at Splash Mountain. Just after I took the big gush of water for our family. Front row!

Anyhow, Disneyland still rocks. (The wine and beer carts at California Adventure are a great addition for a gal who doesn't have a prescription for Xanax.) The kids have a memory of their last day of school in 2009. Tony has a new picture on his desk at work and I have memories of how it used to be...

If you have Disneyland memories, (old or new)or anything to share please comment!
PS- I am not posting the picture of me at Splash Mtn...Tony won't give it back to me!

Two Boobs or Not Two Boobs...That is The Question

2009-05-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to a breast augmentation consultation. Those who know me, may have known this fact...and know that "my girls do not run a cup'ith over". I am small breasted. And, as my Aunt Andrea put it once, "Honey, boobs are an item you don't want the passing grade on", i.e... an A or B cup.

I brought Tony, for the moral and literal "support". Spoke to my closest of friends who also gave me the 'ol ..."you look great the way you are, but if you want 'em, I understand" speeches. I do want em, though. I've wanted "my girls" to grow since puberty. The only time I ever filled a cup, was when I was either pregnant, breast feeding or yes...a little chubby. I lost nearly twenty pounds two years ago and the first five were my "boobages". I swore I would either: eat a Costco-sized bag of Resses' peanut butter cups and a soda to gain them back...or continue to lose weight. I chose the latter.

The consultation was the epitome of what you'd look for in a Doctor's office. The whole experience was a bit overwhelming; beyond perfect. The medical assistants were lovely, the Plastic Surgeon was the George Clooney/Mc Dreamy you only imagine on television. I felt so welcome and comfortable in the office. Ah, did I mention the bathroom? On a side note, the bathroom was decorated in marble and rather than a paper towel dispenser hanging on the wall, sitting on the marble counter was a silver bowl of hand rolled, white, fluffy washcloths. I felt like I was at the Ritz Carlton. So, what was the problem, you ask? My husband!

Tony, a man of sound mind sat quietly in the corner watching the consultation between the Doctor and myself. He asked a few pertinent questions, such as: "Will the valve be visible through the skin"... "how big should we go here?"... and, "how soon can we schedule the appointment?" With questions like this, I knew he was "on board".

The best part of the consult was the "boob fitting." I was asked to put on a sports bra and try on several different sizes, called CC's. I tried on four sizes before I found the right fit for me/380cc. Then, I took the sample breasts out and handed them back to the nurse. As I did this, Tony, ever so subtly, gave me his thumbs up...suggesting he really likes me... the way I am! It was at this moment, I remembered why I married him.

He doesn't want the boobs, despite a few of his friends "high fiving" him for my decision to augment. He loves me for who I am, and really I should love myself for who I am. That's it. I don't have a deformity, requiring surgery. My small boobs aren't lopsided. They don't droop to my knees. I don't have enough to droop. I only breast fed one kid.

So, it took this appointment to reach my epiphany. At this point, I am saying no to a pair of personal floatation devices. I may want them, later. But for now...I am more content. I am also a role model for my puberty-reaching daughter as well. I want her to feel okay with her body. I am also without material, I was writing the journey, as a book. It would have been a good topic too!

So, as Shakespeare wrote: "To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer..." I suffer not...knowing my husband is happy; just the way he married me.

I would love to hear your comments. This topic was a brave disclosure for me, so be kind! :)

Some Coffee Talk...

2009-05-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

I recently got my drink on...coffee that is. Wouldn't touch the stuff 'til I turned fort...oh, never mind. I like the fancy coffees though. Whipped cream, a swirl of chocolate, chocolate shavings, caramel...you get the picture! Nothing like starting your day with a large (venti) non-fat,white chocolate, iced latte to get things moving along. Some things your mother won't tell you, ahh, but I will. Like, the benefits of coffee when you need to get things moving...

My friend, Sarah admitted to her coffee addiction to me. Get this...she now takes to running each morning, yes... running to her new local coffee house, Saxby's. This coffee house serves special latte concoctions like: Almond Joy, Kit Kat and Snickerdoodle. Suddenly, you feel like a kid in a candy store. They basically market their coffee for adults who "miss" candy bars. And, I think the candy bar would have less calories. Not that I count calories.

A double shot of addiction - chocolate and caffeine. Ahhh, I can feel the caffeine "high", and the shakes, too.

As I said, this friend runs to Saxby's daily, with her debit card and "frequent drinker" card (hidden in her sock), drinks her "candy bar coffee" and then with a little more pep in her step...heads home. She can't return home with the evidence (you see, her twelve year old daughter likes a little "Saxby's fix" too) so she quickly drinks up. Then, and I kid you not...she confessed that she tosses her cup in the dog park's poop receptacle. She claims its the only receptacle along her path home. Evidence... gone.

Now, I don't wanna be the one to say she has an addiction. And, her brisk daily walk (for liquid candy bars) is a great exercise. I can't fault her for that! But, when you begin hiding coffee cups from the family, ahh...you might have a problem.

I am planning an intervention soon. A real coffee talk...for Sarah!

If you have an addiction, an "innocent addiction" that is...(I don't wanna get my substance abuse license out and have to counsel ya) please share...I would love to hear what secret addiction you have! Post below...

Rocket Scientist for Hire...

2009-05-18T13:23:00.001-07:00

I used to pride myself on being a "tech geek." I could program my VCR to record Melrose Place and Friends, with ease in the 90's. I enjoyed reprogramming microwave oven clocks, too. I don't mind saying this is what I brought to the table. Its one of the reasons my husband married me.

Yet, much to his dismay, I have lost my edge...

Rewind to when Tony asked if I could, "Please reset all the thermostats in the house". That was a week ago. I know this because it has taken me that long to figure out that we have three of them. Yes, three A/C's for me to synchronize. I would have waited longer but the temperature touched a sizzlin' three digit number this week and I am melting in the house. Personal sauna. Las Vegas Style.

I did manage to select the correct temperature and time that the A/C would cycle. I spent a mere forty five minutes on this. A real rocket scientist moment. Upon hitting the "set" button I felt like I was ready to tackle any electronic device.

Until of course, I noticed there is a "day setting" as well. So, it goes without saying...that in our bedroom it is Monday, in the hallway to the kitchen it is Monday...and of course in the kids' hallway it is now... Thursday. A time warp is my only explanation for this error. I dare to reset the whole dang thing and start over. I think its okay for the kids to be three days ahead of us, or four days behind, whichever. I mean, we don't use the thermostat as a calendar. I don't walk up to the thermostat for the time and date. So, why does this bug me so?

Its the little things that get to me. Have you got something little that gets to you? Anything bugging you? Please share, I would feel a whole lot better and don't forget to join this blog while you're here!

Procrastination Strikes...Again!

2009-05-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, I procrastinated in getting a story written on time... again. Then, I was reminded of the many "imperative things" I must get done before sitting my ass on my chair and getting down to business. I came up with a list of necessary to do's:

1. Unload dishwasher
2. Make the beds, including dog's
3. Empty the trash cans throughout the house, seven to be exact.
4. Iron socks
5. Feed stray kittens
6. Clean oven with a toothbrush
7. Alphabetize my spice rack
8. Knit a sweater
9. Start a scrapbook
10. Re tile the bathroom shower

Hopefully, my procrastination will end and my story will begin. In the meantime, I'll have an awesome spice rack!

Tell me what you do to procrastinate, and how you get over the illness! Comment below and don't forget to join while you're here...

Ten Things You Must Not Skimp on...Despite the Economy!

2009-05-07T13:39:00.001-07:00

I wanted to share an epiphany I had late last night upon dragging the garbage out to the curb for the morning pick up. I realized my "money saving ways" are actually costing me! Little did I know the non-brand name garbage bags would cause me such grief....and a clean up. I only dragged them from: the kitchen, down the hallway through the laundry room to the garage and out the driveway. All the while leaking "something sticky" on the slate floors! Nice...now I have to mop that up. Makes me wish I had those ridiculous "mop slippers" I saw recently at Walgreen's. Anyhow, I decided to share a list of the ten things you really should not be skimping on...

1. Garbage bags, read above.

2. A good hair color. Try and imagine what could go wrong here.

3. Underwear. Or, any under garments. Why be uncomfortable? If you "can buy 'em at Costco" (in bulk, 6 for $10.00) don't do it. Your husband will thank you for this. I am saving your marriage here!

4. Corn Flakes. The kids "know the difference" and no one will eat them. Okay, maybe the dog if he's really hungry.

5. Tape. Have you ever bought "cheap tape" and then you can't pry it off the roll and its ever so frustrating, you end up using masking tape to wrap a kid's birthday present...

6. Wine. Enough said.

7. Sunscreen. I bought some "off brand" last year, only to have my husband apply it to his face and scream when it felt like sandpaper. He didn't appreciate the exfoliation that went with his application!

8. Shoes. Cheap shoes hurt. Cheap shoes look like cheap shoes. Sometimes, no shoes would be better than cheap shoes!

9. Sheets. I believe, if you were to do the cost per day, sheets cost very little in the end. So, splurge on the Sateen 800 count. My mother in law reminded me of the sheets I purchased for her guest bed in 1997. We laughed at how scratchy they were. She even brought her own, the next time she came to visit! No joke!!

10. Cosmetics. Girls, this is an area we can't go drug storin' on. A good foundation, a nice eyeliner...you know what I'm talkin' about.

I would love to hear what you "refuse to skimp" on...comment below!!
Happy Shopping!

Diamonds in my crotch...

2009-04-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read it correctly, "Diamonds in my crotch". I was travelling on the 215 fwy, (that's in hot, hot Las Vegas) one afternoon, with my daughter, Maddie in the car. I think we were headed to gymnastics. We are always headed there (four times a week) but who's counting. Ok, I am counting...

So, I was driving down the road with the A/C full blast because it was so damn hot that day, you could fry an egg (and bacon) on the hood of the car. I haven't tried it, but if we're ever late for school, that would be a quick way to get breakfast to the kids. "Hey kids! Grab your 'Hood Breakfast and get to class."

Anyhow, I was driving with the A/C, kid in car and all I could hear was..."blah, blah, blah...I want diamonds for my crotch." Now, we live in Vegas and I know there are alot of skanky billboards on the road. I can't blindfold the kids' eyes during car rides. So, I am thinking, did she see a scantily clad gal adorned in diamonds? Is that what is meant by: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"?

Then, she says: "Mom we can get matching ones and be twins."

Okay, I had to stop this train wreck of a conversation and fast. So, I say, "Maddie, what did you just say... we should get matching diamonds for our... crotch?" She laughs, probably because she thinks her mom is an idiot at this point. (And, she might be right this time.)

"No mom, I said we should get matching diamonds for our Crocs!"

True story... I just remembered it because she is having "the talk" at school today, with the ever educational, school nurse. I dedicate this blog to all the embarrassed, 5th graders today. If you have a memory of "the talk" or if your wear diamonds on your...never mind, I don't wanna know about it...if you have a comment, please share it!

Its a Shamu and Rick Springfield fest...

2009-04-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

I survived the 5th grade field trip. Sadly my back, shoulders and neck did not. Quick tip: do not believe a nine dollar, thin, foam pad from Walmart will save your bones from stiffness, when you sleep on... concrete. You will be sorely "mistaken".

I did enjoy the 8 hour bus ride. Did you know kids don't sing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" anymore? I was expecting to hear it all the way to Southern California. Instead, kids were allowed to bring their ipods, Nintendo DS, cell phone, (Maddie does not own a phone...yes, accordingly to her she is the ONLY girl without one), etc and the kids were so quiet. They texted each other, and "versus" on video games.

I decided to forgo the water rides and Shamu show "soak zone" that make you so drenched, you'd have your underwear stuck to you for the rest of the day. Thankfully, their math teacher, Mr. G was kind enough to do that soggy job. I sat high (and dry) in the bleachers. Holding the ipods, and cell phones.

On to the rest of my weekend...

Saw a great concert Saturday night. Rick Springfield, Eddie Money and Lou Gramm. (John Waite was there too, but we were busy drinking Mango Mojitos and munching on appetizers with friends). Now, I sorta thought this was a tribute to the 80's but quickly reconsidered this when I heard the songs and remembered I was perhaps a bit younger when these guys were famous. Remember, 8 track?

Lou Gramm surprised me though. I thought each of his songs were: Foreigner or Boston, but who knew? He was the lead singer for Foreigner!!

The music was a little loud, wow spoken like a true old person there, whoops!

Rick Springfield is having a comeback, so if you enjoyed Jesse's Girl, you will love his new stuff, like Victoria's Secret and all the other songs where he just changes the girl's name and sings the same lyrics. Rick is now 59 and looking good for his age, I might add!

So, don't be embarrassed, tell me who you saw at your first concert. Or, first few concerts. It couldn't be any worse than my list: ZZTop, Rush, Huey Lewis,... Captain and Tennille was my first, remember "Muskrat Love"...?

Okay, comment now!

Random acts of thinking...

2009-04-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

I will have a "great blog" on my upcoming 5th grade field trip, compliments of my daughter, Maddie. We are heading to Sea World in San Diego, which ought to be a mere 7+ hour bus ride with nearly 120 kids. I am truly looking forward to this...as I was told, "Mom, we got THE best aquarium, we will be sleeping with the manatees". Mind you, I don't really care what fish/mammal we sleep with, I do HOWEVER mind sleeping on the concrete.

So does my 41 year old back.

I did purchase a lovely, blue foam pad to aid in my sleep, along with a pair of my husband's orange ear plugs and a Kit Kat bar. The Kit Kat bar will not help me sleep, but it will be a treat to eat inside my sleeping bag, ahhh come on, you'd do it too! And yes, I did receive the teacher's note saying I can't bring food in the aquarium, (that's why I am hiding it in my sleeping bag!)

I have a couple topics to write next week. I'd like your opinion on those you'd like to see:

1. Sea World (and my Kit Kat confiscation)
2. My mother's desire to buy used hot rollers on eBay
3. Personal shopper for my husband, (a.k.a. the day I confused Van's shoes with a lesser name brand, much to his dismay).
4. Top ten items you find in your son's bunk bed...
5. Top ten items you find in your daughter's journal, kidding... I don't read it, really!

Let me know which ones would tickle your funny bone, by commenting below.

PS- For those of you who haven't read "The Tooth fairy", please go to http://www.mops.com/. Enjoy!!

Growing Accustom to the financial times...

2009-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

The news says we are in a recession. As the wife of a financial advisor, I know this to be true. We took our personal inventory of finances seriously in October 2008. It was the worst market in several years. But, despite the doom and gloom, I am learning that "not having", "not buying" and "not wanting"...is not so bad. My kids learned a new word: no.

"No" is okay to new jeans, a Webkins toy, another game for the Nintendo, or even a school fundraiser. I would rather just give the class school supplies rather than buy ugly, wrapping paper or candles, wouldn't you? "No" works well for me, too. I tell myself "No" to another pair of shoes, new sateen sheets (even if they are on sale), or even a "Venti white chocolate iced latte" . I can say "No" and I am stronger and wiser each time I say it. My kids have adapted to the economy, and they appreciate the things they have much more than they ever have. Maybe this recession is the wake up call we all need to look at what we really have, not what we want. What do you think?

I know he's trying to help me write the material but...

2009-04-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

Brrrrr…I am sitting in my husband’s home office, as I type this. We recently decided I could stay home and entertain my writing career and would start using his office as “my own”. Never mind, the motocross trophies, dirt bike photos and endless cords for which I am about to trip on and break my neck. I am at peace. It is quiet. I am concentratin…until my sweet and supportive husband comes in to make things better for me. He decides that opening the French doors, (I don’t know if they even came from France) to the front courtyard for some sunlight. To which, I thanked him for the offer and continued to write. I realized my former topic on: “the over due thank you” sucked and decided to write about this interruption instead. He is after all, my material!

Now, I am sitting at the desk, with frostbitten fingers, and my teeth are chattering because its so damn cold outside. I hear the diesel engine of a Sparkletts truck driving by. So, who is not “going green” by drinking tap from the faucet in my neighborhood? You know the water is the same crap they put in those lovely labelled plastic bottles for $1.-$3. a piece. I catch the sound of squeaky brakes of the garbage truck who still by the way hasn’t taken our ancient, blue pool cover… (okay, I am not “green” either) for nearly two weeks. Although, I did write a kind sign on the cover: “This is Trash”. Oh, and the sound of rustling leaves, birds singing and a dog barking at nothing. Its enough to cry. I am not at peace. The outside is too noisy. Nature is irritating. I need the quiet hmm of the TV in the background. A washing machine, ahhh…maybe the dishwasher too. This really sucks. More than that other story. Thanks for the material today...

Tweezers, Tussy and other girlie "stuff"

2009-01-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

Well Gals, its time for me to share another little story that's been on my mind, hope you will enjoy this:

I was driving down the road, looking at my coin holder, which holds everything (tweezers, toothpicks, old mints) but coins, when I wondered if all gals are having similar moments, as myself. The tweezers have been added, because I was always catching the hairs on my "chinny chin chin" in the vanity mirror of my car. Now, I have many mirrors in my home and a very nice makeup mirror as well, but no mirror works as well as the one in the car. Maybe its the sunlight that catches my "Italian mustache" and chin. Whatever the case, I found myself using my tweezers in the car to catch the little follicles. If you happen down the road and see me plucking away, please don't honk, I don't want to lose an eye!! Actually, I gave up the tweezing, when I found out these undesirable hairs can be (moderately painfully) removed at the dermatologist office. This was a breakthrough for me. Laser hair removal here I come! There is nothing like smelling your own burning hair from your face, and consider this as a highlight of the day. I never got so excited for something; you'd think I'd won the lottery! And, when do we begin to find excitement for such a personal maintenance issue? I mean, did we always get excited about feminine issues?

I, personally get excited when my favorite lotion, lipstick or hair product is discontinued. The Body Shop had a great mango lotion that disappeared, soon after I got addicted. If you have a bottle, I would pay high dollar for it. And, I have a lipstick that has been nearly licked out of the tube for that last morsel. I can't bear to throw it away. Its like an illness to keep an old tube of lipstick, as if the "lipstick fairy" will replace the old tube. My mom used to wear Revlon's Mostly Mauve and I remember digging through a bin at the Rexall Drug in 1981, trying to help her get every last discontinued lipstick. I know she still has a tube or two with the orange Rexall sticker. I bet it was $2.98!! She was lucky! I have considered going on eBay to see if anyone has some Love's Baby Soft, Heaven's Scent or Tussy deodorant.I am holding out on AVON to make those necklace lip glosses again. Kinda like soap on a rope, but better! I can't imagine there wasn't a bigger consumer interest on them. They continue to make that skin so soft stuff and bubble bath. They are missing out on a large profit, when they discontinued the necklace.

Anyhow, I hope you aren't as emotionally distressed by cosmetics and female issues as I. If so, tell me what you miss. We may be able to start a "used product" website.Oh, I know that would be gross!! But seriously, if you see a kid with an AVON lip gloss necklace, you know you can take 'em on and get it for me!! I would be forever grateful.

2009-01-08T11:15:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!